Today I ate a Stradivarius.

2012, Brad Brubaker / Crayon and pen on paper / 22 x 16 in.

In celebration of becoming a chocolate connoisseur, I treated myself to a selection of Amedei solid chocolate bars. Having already done a tasting of their single origin chocolate, trying their other bars would nearly close the gap of tasting all of the products made from what I believe to be the best chocolate in the world. My plan was to follow Chloe Roussel-Doutre's advice--chewing the chocolate into small bits in order to maximize the surface area exposed to the tongue--and to document my taste reactions. Having found inspiration in chocolate before, I thought poetry might result from this act of devotion. What I didn't reckon was that I would create a work of art.

While tasting Amedei's Chuao bar, made from much coveted beans from the Chuao plantation in Venezuela, I felt a wash over me. I felt new terrains of my tongue explored and new taste buds were discovered...or perhaps brought to life. I had a phrase enter my head so clearly which accompanied this experience: deep red grooves. My God, I was eating a Stradivarius. And I knew that for my whole life, though I only first realized it in that moment, I have wanted to be a violin.

The Chocolate Conneisseur's Desert Island List

When marooned on a desert island, make it rain.

(Note: This list was updated in 2016.)

The Chicago winters aren't the only reason I've been thinking about life on a desert island. Having finally gotten around to reading The Chocolate Connoisseur* by professional chocolate buyer Chloe Roussel-Doutre, I've been creating my Desert Island list. Many people create a fictional list of people they'd love to spend time with on a desert island** or the albums***/books **** they'd want with them, but Roussel-Doutre challenges her readers to meditate on the ten chocolate bars they'd want in their suitcase. (Presumably the suitcase has a regulated temperature in the fantasy.)

Without pause, I scrawled out a list of my ten of favorite chocolate delicacies, as well as five other treats that, despite my year-round cravings, are seasonal or unavailable in the U.S. That this task came so effortlessly for me is proof of my growth as a student of chocolate. After much studious research and personal exploration, I feel I can officially and confidently declare myself a chocolate snob--EHEM!--connoisseur.***** Make a note of it, friends.

Ten Chocolates for My Desert Island List:

• Amedei - Chuao, 70& dark chocolate
• Amedei - Cioccolato al Latte Bianco con Pistachio, white chocolate with pistachio
• Amedei - Toscano Blond, 63% dark chocolate with peach and apricot
• Ferrero - Rondnoir (aka Duplo Cuore Fondente), dark chocolate, dark chocolate cream, wafer
• Fran's Chocolates - Almond Gold Bar, dark chocolate, almonds and the best caramel ever
• Galler - Noix de Coco, praline of white chocolate and coconut
• Kinder - Bueno, chocolate, hazelnut cream, wafer
• Perugina - Baci, dark chocolate, gianduja and hazelnut
• Ritter Sport - Dark Chocolate with Whole Hazelnuts
• Theo Chocolate's 3400 Phinney Fantasy Bars - Milk Chocolate Coconut Curry Bar

Honorable Mention:

• Ghirardelli - Peppermint Bark
• Ritter Sport - Coconut Macaroon, milk chocolate with coconut filling
• Theo Chocolate - Jasmine Truffle
• Unknown brand in Belgium - Spéculoos and chocolate covered almonds
• Vosges - Gingerbread Toffee

* This book came recommended by the good people at Seattle's Chocolopolis.
** Most people choose what is known as a "fox" (i.e. Keira Knightley or Ryan Gosling), while I usually go the practical, trying-to-stay-alive route and choose an Eagle Scout.
*** An ever-changing list. Let's go with summer listening: The Ruby Suns' Sea Lion, Cory Branan's The Hell You Say, The Beatles' White Album and Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.
**** You Shall Know Our Velocity! by Dave Eggers, my favorite, and Stephen King's The Stand: Complete & Uncut, which I've never read but when else does a person have that much time?
***** The chief connoisseur, Ms. Roussel-Doutre, and I do not always see eye to eye, especially on whether or not chocolate with stuff in it belongs in the company of solid chocolate bars. She says the true chocolate connoisseur is content enough to taste the subtle differences of the chocolate itself. I say a true gastronomic explorer of any type of cuisine sees the value of tasting how other ingredients combine to create a new effect. She also disapproves of white chocolate, something I usually agree with. Hopefully these clashes don't cause her to boot me out of the chocolate connoisseur club.

This Pie is a Portkey

Third (Almost) Annual Pi(e) Day Pot Luck & House Concert, 2013

"This pie is a portkey." This was the label on the first guest's tasty cntribution, promising accurately that the evening's contact with pie would transport the evening's guests to a different place. Offering far more sweet than savory (save my corned beef and cabbage shepherd's pie and another guest's spanokopita), some highlights included coconut pie, tiramisu pie, apple-pecan pie with a cinnamon roll crust, strawberry-chocolate pie and coconut pie. Another crowd favorite had one foot in the savory category and the other in the sweet: blueberry, goat cheese and basil pie.

The night was magnificent. The music was good, thanks to Liz Chidester. And the pie transported us.

Only 364 more days until Pi(e) Day 2014!

Graham Cracker Ice Cream

The indentation in the center was from eating it nose first.

This flavor idea has been on my list for close to a decade, following my introduction to the graham cracker-themed Crumbs Along the Mohawk during my first summer internship in Williamstown, MA. The next year, the first thing I did upon arriving in the Berkshires was buy that flavor and two other half gallons from Stewart's Shops. For that flavor and others, they remain a favorite among regional ice cream manufacturers.

Graham Cracker ice cream

Ingredients:

2 cups whipping cream

1 cup milk

1 cup sugar

12-14 graham crackers (or half a box), slap chopped

dash of cinnamon

dash of cinnamon sugar

(opt.) additional graham crackers, for topping

(opt.) dark chocolate covered graham crackers, for garnish and pregame eating

Instructions:
1.) Mix ingredients together. The challenge is balance: make sure the cinnamon doesn't completely overpower the smell of the graham in the mixture. Adjust graham crackers accordingly, but don't put too many in or it will soak up all the liquid.
2.) Chill overnight. Both you and the mixture.
3.) Put in ice cream maker. The mixture, not you.
4.) Eat and share.
5.) Receive accolades.

State of the Donuts Address

What’s in a name? Firecakes utilizes an heirloom recipe from the founder’s great-grandfather, who was a baker for Wisconsin logging camps. Back then, doughnuts were made over an open fire. They even have gramps’ now antique doughnut cutter.

Yo Obama, I’ma let you finish, but…

Since Dirty Betty’s / Cookie Bar has closed and the planned new location is yet to be announced, I wanted to take an honest look at the state of donuts in Chicago and the craze of small-batch doughnut shops that are creeping up downtown and beyond. Here they are, arranged in descending order of my affections.

Firecakes. Having just opened this month, and in walking distance from my job, I am already convinced we have a new champion. Everything I’ve had has been a stand-out. The Chocolate Hazelnut, which is a longjohn with Nutella cream filling. The Valrhona Chocolate Glazed, which carries the mantel once held by Dirty Betty’s of the most fulfilling chocolate glaze. The Honey Glazed, which is a solid reminder that the true test is mastering the basics. The Coconut Cream, which is a cake donut with a totally unexpected citrusy twist and a dollop of cream in the middle. Firecakes, may I present you the crown?

“We Can Donut.” Glazed and Infused, Wicker Park.

Glazed and Infused. This young company has already opened five locations! Switching out most of their menu to offer seasonal selections, this shop has no shortage of creativity. In the fall, they had Carrot Cake and German Chocolate Cake. This winter, they have Blueberry-Lemon. While these, as well as most of their offerings are cake doughnuts, they have an ever-changing seasonal glazed doughnut, my favorite of which has been Blueberry. Amongst their changing menu they have a few staples, which includes Crème Brûlée, a custard-filled doughnut with a hard burnt sugar topping. If any Chicago doughnut beats what I’ve had at Firecakes, it is this.

Do-Rite Doughnuts. Specializing in cake doughnuts, this place serves up flavor combinations one doesn’t normally find with donuts. Strawberry-Rhubarb and Peanut Butter Banana, for example. One might assume these très chic donuts would be dainty three-biters, but these are meaty monsters that would make less gluttonous more rational people stop after just one. My favorites are the aromatic Pistachio-Meyer Lemon and the creamy Coconut Custard.

Do-Rite's Pistachio-Meyer Lemon

Beaver’s Coffee & Donuts. This successful food truck business has added a fixed location in the French Market. From 7-6, they serve fresh and warm mini-yeast donuts with the topping(s) of your choice. Featuring sprinkles, marshmallow sauce and strawberry sauce, their gourmet toppings resemble what you might find at an ice cream sundae bar, so it takes a bit of bargaining to accept these donuts as a breakfast food item. They do not keep well, but that shouldn't be a problem for most people with a mouth and stomach.

Doughnut Vault. When this posh, elevator shaft-sized space opened, I bought the hype. I stood in hour-long lines for a five-item menu, knowing they tended to run out of things quickly. My first visit wasn’t anything notable, so I masochistically returned hoping the other flavors would wow me. Instead my resentment grew. (Their “Chestnut” tastes like a maple doughnut. And sprinkles on a $3 doughnut?) If you enjoy standing in fried bread lines, their best offering is the Gingerbread Stack, three small spiced cake doughnuts with cinnamon sugar. Glancing at their website, they now offer a rotating special doughnut on weekdays. Thanks, but I'll just go down the street to Firecakes.

---

Chicago, of course, is not limited to these newer, small batch doughnut shops. Chicago's southside has a few local institutions that have been making traditional doughnuts for years. Because I am a public transit-dependent northsider who gets far too hungry to wait, I have only tried one of them: Dat Donut. Despite its appearance on Bon Appetit’s Top 10 Places for Donuts list, I found it pretty average. But let’s be honest: an average doughnut is better than a Gold-medal winning salad…unless that salad is fried. Other southside doughnut joints include Old Fashioned Donuts and Huck Finn Restaurants.

This Honkey Ice Cream Be Trippin'

Ben & Jerry’s caused quite a buzz over the release of a secret, new flavor inspired by Tina Fey’s addictively funny show “30 Rock.” According to the press releases, the flavor name would be revealed at a launch party being held to celebrate the series finale. Our mouths were watering and everyone was wondering what would the flavor be?

“Tracey Jordan Almond—ooh, or Muffin Top!” suggested the Wednesday issue of Chicago’s Red Eye. With so many quotable moments in the show’s seven season run, there were endless creative possibilities for the new flavor. Here are some favorites my friends and I imagined.

• Walnut Bar Mitzvah, a super-nutty walnut brownie ice cream with fudge werewolves and a caramel swirl. 
• Mind Grape, an ice cream (chocolate?) with raisins and fudge brains. 
• Blerghberry. 
• Deal Breaker, a strawberry ice cream with chocolate broken hearts and brownies. 
• Jackie Jormp Chomp. 
• Food Ball, a flavor that is literally more chunks than ice cream, throwing in EVERY variety of chunk offered in Ben & Jerry's other flavors. 
• Spaceman Lemon (Spa-cheh-mun Leh-mun), a lemon ice cream with space dust (Sour Patch kid dust) and white chocolate spacemen. 
• What the What, which mixes any bizarre combination of flavors, like coffee and waffles. (Obviously, this idea was still in the development stages.) 
• Night Cheesecake.
• Ghost Meat.
• Sabor de Soledad, a flavor somehow inspired by Liz Lemon’s favorite brand of cheese curls, which contain the crucial ingredient of bull semen. 

The gauntlet had been thrown down. It would be tough to top some of these delicious ideas. But surely Ben & Jerry’s had something truly amazing up their sleeves, right? Especially given all the fuss they stirred up?

Nope. The flavor they are releasing in the spring is…drum roll…Liz Lemon Greek Frozen Yogurt. That’s right, the Ben & Jerry’s creative department watched “30 Rock” and invented Lemon Froyo, a truly revolutionary flavor. Idiots. And while any devoted fan who read Bossypants knows that Tina Fey has Greek heritage, her character Liz Lemon would never, ever choose frozen yogurt for fear it might be less fattening or less delicious than ice cream. Never. Ever.

Ah, well. I guess I’ll just blame it on Lutz.

Cuckoo for Kuchen

“At our cake buffet nobody comes over so simple - in the proverbial and also in the literal sense!” --translation from Café Gnosa's webpage

On the morning of my 29^th birthday, I awoke in a hostel in Hamburg, Germany. Folded-like-an-accordion on the too-short top bunk, slumber had proven difficult because my two African-born roommates were attempting, despite distinctly different dialects, to communicate with one another in broken English. Having already planned for an early start, I arose, dressed in my non-cotton clothing, packed my poncho and umbrella, and traveled through the steady drizzle into the city center for the three-hour Hamburg Free Walking Tour. Eventually my tourism turned gastronomic, but before I begin my dessert coverage I must first praise Germany’s glorious second city and share some of what I learned, thanks to the New Europe Walking Tour company.

Like most cities I love, the water has been the major factor in shaping Hamburg’s identity. We’re not talking about your average river city, though; Hamburg had been a major harbor city for as long as recorded time. Nearly all of the stories and history learned on the tour returned to the water (as in the gruesome death of the famed pirate Klaus Störtebeker) or the great fire of 1842. The city’s older buildings and churches are nearly all the products of detailed restoration, as necessitated by both the fire and WWII bombings. Our tour wound all around: across small bridges through the old town (swans in the waterways), the warehouse district (beautiful brick) and HafenCity, the huge inner-urban housing project that will increase the city’s population by 40%!

Three hours of walking may sound like a lot, but it isn’t enough when it’s your birthday and it’s been blasphemously cake-less. Kein Kuchen ist nicht gut...no cake is no good. So at the conclusion of the tour I walked back toward the Rathaus (town hall), past the train station and further east along Lange Reihe. My destination was Café Gnosa, revered in my research as the best dessert in Hamburg. I couldn't decide what to order, so I treated myself to what I like to call the birthday special: three slices for take away. They were so tasty, and the tempting options at Café Gnosa so plentiful, that I stopped to get three more before I boarded my train out of Hamburg.

Schoko-Orangen Torte (chocolate-orange torte), Rhabarberstreusel Torte (rhubarb cake), PflaumemMandel Torte (almond plum cake), JohannisbeerQuark Torte (red currant cheesecake), Chocolate Pie (chocolate pie). All of them were delicious, but one reigned supreme: AprikosenNuss Torte (apricot cake with hazelnuts). The tartness of apricot, the roasted flavor of hazelnut, the richness of spiced cake. It was dense, more solid than springy. I'm not sure what spices were added to this cake to make it so good but I have been craving it ever since.

The rain never let up during the three days I spent in the city, but this didn't spoil my trip. My Merrill shoes, however, which have kept me dry since their initial use backpacking in Italy, met their sad end. (RIP) Casualties aside, Hamburg ranks high on my list of cities to revisit and Café Gnosa’s apricot cake with hazelnuts ranks as the best dessert I had in Germany.

Dixie Donuts

Top: Aztec, Samoa, German Chocolate, Bangkok Beauty, The Cutie
Middle: Dixie Spice, Peach Cobbler, Dulce de Leche, Strawberry Shortcake
Bottom: Chocolate Spice, Oreo, French Toast, Sweet Potato

“Floral” and “delicate” are not adjectives usually associated with doughnuts. But it also could be said that rosewater candy and curried mango salt aren’t typical ingredients on a holey fried delight. Contradictions like these are what, for me, define the new south. And Richmond, Virginia is a perfect example.

On historic Monument Avenue, lavish mansions occupied by old money sit next door to neglected buildings that house college students and starving artists. Grizzled I-don’t-give-a-care punks like Tim Barry emphasize local history/tradition while getting "Sic Semper Tyrannis" tattooed on their bodies. Once thriving industrial sections of town may look run-down, but they host local businesses and art galleries. And in Carytown, Dixie Donuts makes creations with names like Aztec, Maharaja and the Bangkok Beauty.

It didn’t take much effort to convince my brother Brian to join in trying this new establishment. And after we ordered, it may have taken us even less effort to polish off 8 doughnuts. Even with the reduced size of the doughnuts (perhaps three-quarters the average size one expects with a doughnut), it is rare to find cake doughnuts like these that don’t sit heavily after one or two. Though the doughnuts were indeed on the light side, Brian and I’s breakfast vanquishing also had something to do with the exotic flavors being offered.

I had never considered doughnuts as a culinary opportunity to explore other cultures but, based on the 16 varieties I’ve tried, this is what Dixie Donuts does best. (Contradictions: wearing cream-colored suits in the height of summer; a beauty queen with a gutter mouth.) It is also how the business distinguishes itself from other gourmet doughnut outlets.* The Bangkok Beauty is my favorite of the pack—lime-mango curried salt with penden cookies. Next was the Maharaja (vanilla-rosewater pistachio with garam masala). Their Dulce de Leche doughtnut had an appropriately gooey topping that made it stand out from the rest. The Aztec was a delicious double chocolate doughnut dusted with chipotle cinnamon and topped with candied pepitas (pumpkin seeds). And the German Chocolate Cake has a sizeable dollop of crystally coconut ooze that left me scraping the box with my finger.

DoughNOT miss Dixie Donuts. (How many times have I blogged about donuts, yet somehow never made that joke until now? Huzzah!)

* Gourmet donuts: (n) fanciful donuts characterized by unusual toppings or flavor combinations, often with a larger price tag. Antonym: traditional donuts.

Dangerously Delicious Pies

My brother and I sit at the counter while a twenty-something kid with skinny jeans, a lip ring and a frizzy black 80s mullet slinks around preparing our food. We listen to the Dickies’ infectious version of “Silent Night” while he delivers our order: the Date Night Special. It is May in Baltimore and this is Dangerously Delicious Pies.

Click this picture and drool.

For our dessert this visit, we smack our way through the Mobtown, gooey, melty fudge and caramel with pecans (pictured). We cut the full-bodied richness of that pie with the sweet tooth sugar high of the Baltimore Bomb, a buttermilk and vanilla pie with Berger cookies. It takes skill to turn the Baltimore “tradition” (or trick played on tourists) of Berger cookies—shortbread slathered with chocolate frosting—into a delectable treat. A slice of the Baltimore Bomb with the Mobtown was the perfect combination.

On our next visit, this time to the DC location, we finished things off with two different slices. I had a slice of Strawberry-Rhubarb and marveled at how distinct each fruit was. Thankfully, the rhubarb was not overpowered by the sweetness of the strawberry, as it is in most would-be strawberry-rhubarb desserts. Brian, less a fan of fruit pie, had the Mint Chocolate Cream, which was light with a refreshing lift of mint that flew over the chocolate bliss like a descant. The mint flavor left only a quick floating reverberation and not a clamorous lasting burn.

Having now dined at both the DC and Baltimore locations, Brian and I can easily say that everything we’ve consumed has been incredible. Both times, we received flawless recommendations from the colorful staff members and tipped them accordingly. I encourage you to try as much as possible. The most cost-efficient way of doing this is the Date Night Special, available Sunday through Thursday happy hour—2 savory pies, 2 sweet pies, 2 sodas, 22 bucks. For savory pies, the BBQ, the hot rod potato with bacon, the curry-licious butter chicken, the steak and cheese…you can’t lose. Hopefully their newest location in Detroit will beget a Chicago opening or, better yet, world domination. I will raise the pie-and-crossbones flag as a signal to friends and foes!

UPDATE from 2016: Having now been to four different locations and tried numerous flavors, their fruits pies always please, but I am more often drawn to the creativity of their non-fruit, non-cream pies. Another notable favorite to surface is the Chocolate Chip Pancake pie, a white chocolate custard pie with chocolate chips, which is right up there with my favorite, the Mobtown Brown.

July at Christmas – Paletas in the Off-Season

It is a hazy grey lazy day meant for staying indoors. Boren and I sit on couches, each with laptops in their rightful place. The Christmas tree his girlfriend bought for our apartment stands center in the bay windows, elegantly lit with white lights. Until Jamie has a free moment to adorn the tree with her much-prized vintage ornaments, it holds only my two contributions: (1) a stocking-capped penguin whose belly is a relative’s grade school portrait and (2) an ice cream cone. Quietly contributing to the scene’s iconic glow, Boren and I click around, alternating between work and distractions. At this particular moment, we both eat Mexican popsicles.

Record scratch. Perhaps I should explain.

Back in September, I hoarded a dozen or so paletas in hopes of clutching tightly to whatever I could of the all-too-short Chicago summer. Most paletas are just popsicles—water, fruit and syrup. Nothing special, really. But the crema paletas are a different breed entirely: not quite ice cream and not quite popsicle, creamy while retaining that icy popsicle texture. I almost always buy one of these frozen delights after a swim at Foster Beach. I persuade the water out of my ears, follow the sound of the pushcart’s bells, hand the mustachioed man my buck-twenty-five, and flip flop my way back home, goggles and all.

The bad news, Ponyboy, is that Robert Frost was right: nothing gold can stay, not even the summer sun. Paleta season is short and the off-season unforgiving. Twitter-savvy food trucks may be more urban chic and easy to track down, but some delicacy deliverers (like elotes carts or the tamale guy) can only be found with luck and some know-how. So when the temperature started dropping, I knew I needed to stock up so I headed over to the place paletas carts hibernate during the winter, Paleteria La Reina in Albany Park. Since then, the other ice cream in my freezer has enjoyed the company of bilingual dessert products.

Since I bought the paletas in bulk, I gave all the other crema flavors a try. With the exception of Coconut Crema (the ultimate) and Rice (the cinnamon-y horchata-esque silver medal winner), the rest of the flavors taste more-or-less like a milkshake that solidified after being put in the freezer. Nothing bad about that, but one should be aware of how they are distinct from ice cream.

I am not alone in saying that the first Coconut Crema paleta marks the true beginning of summer in Chicago. And sharing my dwindling supply in the off-season isn’t something I do lightly. But the way I figure it, Boren and I eating paletas in December seems the best bet for keeping the weather warm, at least until that damn groundhog seals our fate again.

Paleteria La Reina

3012 W Lawrence

Chicago, IL  60625

Donut Stop

“We’ve been open for 59 years,” the elderly proprietor of Donut Stop tells me.

My friend Ryan and I had mentioned we’d never been there before and without hesitation he stopped to tell us about the place. While his other staff members bustled around assisting the scads of customers waiting their turn in the crowded standing area, he was chatting us up. We liked him immediately.

“And how many of those years have you been here?” I asked.

“I’ve been working here since 1990. Then my son and I bought the place 11 years ago.” I wondered if he ever thought when he began 22 years ago that one day he’d own the place.

Frequently featured on Top Ten lists for doughnuts, St. Louis’ Donut Stop is a modest building, not unlike those you may pass telling yourself, “I’ll have to stop there one of these days.” Who’d guess that it was a local legend with national acclaim? When we tasted the doughnuts, we understood why.

At a classic place like this I expected that, of the doughnuts I tried, the best would be the staples of the doughnut canon. This was certainly true of my favorite, the blueberry cake. Though a flavor I usually find dry and forgettable, theirs was moist yet crisp on the outside—crisp like the dollar bills I contributed to their cash register—not hard or crumbly. Like all of their products, it tastes fresh because at the rate their product was moving, none of it had been sitting around very long! Another classic, their cinnamon roll, was also a stand-out. Through I’d been told it was another product that put them on the map—the cinnamon glob, which to me was a less-than-memorable fruitless fritter, an apple fritter minus the apples—I found the cinnamon roll more memorable. Sweet and chewy with the right balance of flavors, not the usual case either the cinnamon or the icing overpowering the dough. And then there was my usual go to doughnut, the French Cruller, which is best understood in the words of Ryan. 

“I’ll try it, but I’m not as experienced as you in crullers.” (takes his first bite) “Oh, that’s incredible!” He was more than impressed. It was if someone had just informed him that the St. Louis arch was actually a giant space doughnut embedded in the earth.

But it wasn’t just the classics that were good. Other standouts were the caramel long john, a dunkably long yeast doughnut with maple-roasted overtones and a sweet caramel aftertaste, and the cream cheese with cherries, a yeast doughnut with a dollop of light whipped goodness on top that tasted like a fried pie or fried danish.

Mr. T Coloring Contest

Sighted in a recent visit to Seattle's Bluebird. I hope these decorations hang for many years.