So You Think You Can Richmond

Though it gives off the appearance of a once prosperous industrial town that is lying dormant, there is more to Richmond, VA than dusty history. There are lavish parks to be found amongst the brick, whether the Japanese and Italian Gardens at Maymont Park, the rustic tranquility of Belle Isle on the James River or the sanctuary that is Hollywood Cemetery. There are active communities of artists, musicians and theatrical performers breathing new life where it wasn’t before. There are local businesses keeping the city’s identity in tact, even while basketball coach Shaka Smart—may his name be praised— continues bringing national attention to the city and to my alma mater.

In my opinion, nothing captures Richmond better than the food. Once capital of the south, today it is the last stop for excellent pork barbecue and other southern delicacies. It is also home to authentic ethnic foods and fusion cuisine. There are numerous “Richmond favorites,” but I have limited myself to these sweet tooth stuffs.

Strawberry Pie at Bill’s Barbecue – This taste of summer has a buttery crust, juicy strawberry halves and a light whipped cream topping. It is not unusual for them to run out, but Bill’s is worth a visit regardless. For your meal, try their signature hot sauce on the North Carolina style minced barbecue sandwich—so hot it melts the bun!—and wash it down with their sparkling limeade, which is worth the stop all by itself. (Update for 2014: All Bill's locations have closed, sadly.)

Fudge Walnut Pie at Strawberry Street Café – Every menu item I’ve ever had at this local staple is rich. My favorite meal items are the Chicken Chesapeake and the Crab & Swiss Quiche. But the richest item on the menu is this gooey chocolate delight. Served warm, it demands to be savored. Though another dessert may sound the most enticing—the Ice Cream Sandwich: a huge scoop of vanilla ice cream between two slices of pound cake, topped with your choice of strawberries, hot fudge or both, if you ask nicely—having tried all the desserts at Strawberry Street, my recommendation is still the Fudge Walnut Pie. Or bring some friends and try both!

MexiCali Chocolate Ice Cream at Bev’s Homemade Ice Cream – Spicy chocolate ice creams are becoming more and more popular, but Bev’s creation is the best I’ve had. It is quite simple: cinnamon, cayenne pepper and a touch of mint. I’ve tried to recreate it, but have never gotten it at Bev’s quality. My friend Boren still raves about this flavor, though he hasn’t had it in the six years since we graduated college.

Peach Melba Cheese Pie at The Tobacco Company – This restaurant is not a cheap outing, but well worth it. If a glance at the prices makes you blush and walk out, make sure to stop in for dessert sometime. The cheese pie is a light and subtle slice of the south, the child of a dainty cheesecake and a mountainous slice of cream pie. Peaches decorate the plate like pillows on a guest bed.

Glazed Custard Doughnut at Country Style Doughnuts – Open 24 hours, six days a week, closed Mondays. To score the best flavors you need to get there in the morning. The Glazed Custard is a perfectly doughy delight FILLED with Boston Crème. Other favorites are the Toasted Coconut and the Glazed yeast doughnut. I usually find myself near the store at the late night hours, which has sometimes yielded doughnutless disappointment and other nights pure joy. One time my brother and I arrived at the 2AM Tuesday morning reopening and were greeted by racks and racks of Glazed yeast doughnuts.

Honorable Mention: For the Love of Chocolate – This chocolate shop features an enormous variety of chocolate from around the world. They carry many of my favorites: Baci (Italy), Kinder Bueno (Germany/Italy), Ritter Sport’s Dark Chocolate with Whole Hazelnuts (Germany), Gold Bars by Fran’s Chocolate (Seattle), Vosges (Chicago), Valrhona (France), Galler Chocolate’s Noix de Coco (Belgium). During college, I would come here to celebrate my birthday by treating myself to $20 worth of truffles and dark chocolate covered graham crackers. Nowadays something different from this store finds its way into my stocking each holiday season.

Screams from the Haters

Top: strawberry shortcake, black forest, French toast

Bottom: Ocean City Sand, Ms. Prunella, lemonade

"Screams from the haters, got a nice ring to it / I guess every superhero need his theme music"-- Kanye West, "Power"

When in Maryland, gorge where the Marylanders gorge. One such destination of succulent sweet tooth stuffs is Fractured Prune, the place to get hot, fresh, customizable, made-to-order doughnuts. The regional chain made its start in Ocean City and has been spreading like a plague of deliciousness. I knew it was something I needed to seek and destroy with my mouth.

I could spend my little dance with your attention span telling you about my experience, or I could make fun of these "reviews" I found on Yelp. The business basically got all raves but you know how it is: some people be hatin' just to hate. Here are some the especially unjustified jeers and my responses. (I openly admit that some have been quoted out of context. Please treat this as entertainment, not news.)*

"Three stars. I got there at 2:23 PM. The Fractured Prune closed at 1:00 PM." - Kelly G., Washington, DC
Totally understandable. The reviewer's tardiness warrants a mediocre review.

"Hard to figure out what door to use" - danielle L. , Glen Burnie, MD
When you tried to exit your home and mistakenly chose the wrong door, how long did to take you to deduce you were standing in the hall closet?

"the shop wasn't much to see... i would have expected a glass case with tantalizing baked goods, but there was nothing of the sort." - Olivia D., Washington, DC
Made-to-order doughnuts cannot be put on display. Your best bet would be either making them at home or sticking your face in a deep fryer. With 15 glazes and each doughnut being allowed more than one of their 10 toppings, there are over a thousand different possibilities. A more rational option would be putting a human brain on display and having a sign pointing at it that said "imagination." If you had one, you would know brains get donated to science, not doughnut shops.

"cash only in 2011 is pretty unacceptable...That's a sign of shady business ownership." - Stephanie B., Hasbrouck Heights, NJ
Assuming "cash only" is shady is a sign of someone who is untrusting and from New Jersey.

"What is it with Maryland's store names? First Baltimore's Ma Petite Shoe (shoe and chocolate store) and now a doughnut shop called Fractured Prune. What else do they sell? Secondhand fruit? Depends?" - me, non-Yelper
What kind of jerk thought this throwaway joke was funny, much less worth re-inserting?

"they taste greasy and overly sugary." - Justin L., New York, NY
Doughnuts are fried dough. Glaze is almost entirely composed of sugar. Perhaps you saw the hole in the middle and confused them with bagels.

"Nothing unique for a donut. The flavors are the only thing that really save it." - Jeff S., Washington, DC
Apparently flavor is an unimportant variable in determining whether food is unique.

"They were tasty which is why I am giving them two stars, but they don't come close to Donut Plant [sic] in NYC." - Jaimee A., Manhattan, NY
Their goal is providing a tasty product, not imitating Doughnut Plant. No reasonable comparison can be made between Doughnut Plant's mission (no trans fat, preservatives, artificial flavors or eggs) and Fractured Prune's mission. That's like someone from Maryland giving Doughnut Plant a poor rating because "they were tasty" but weren't hot and made-to-order like at Fractured Prune. Doughnut Plant is certainly delicious, but, since it isn't exactly commutable distance from Maryland, the point is irrelevent and you, Jamiee are trolling.

"its just fried dough with syrup and choco-chips on top in whatever combination you want." - Sarah B., Baltimore, MD
What more could anyone want?


* My apologies to any Yelpers who I may have offended. I assure you that of the few readers I have (my brother, one former co-worker and...who was the other one?) none of them will laugh at your expense. They mostly read my failed blog to check that I'm still alive.

Ice Cream for the Baltimore Suburbanite

Two dogs enjoy Bonkey's Ice Cream.

Bonkey's Ice Cream and Snoballs in New Freedom, PA is the premier destination for residents of the tiny town and Baltimore suburbanites. There's something for all tastes--human and canine--with their solid mix of traditional flavors (vanilla that meets even my very particular cousin's approval), original flavors (pineapple upside down cake, white chocolate macadamia) and new takes on old favorites (most notably Cookie Monster, a monster-blue vanilla ice cream with crushed Oreos and cookie dough).

(See also Ice Cream for the Baltimore "Herbanite")

Ice Cream for the Baltimore "Herbanite"

There's something nostalgic and wholesome about selling ice cream from an ice cream truck. There's something foul and unsavory about dealing marijuana that is stored in one's underwear. Unsurprisingly, these two business models have never been considered for overlap. Until now.

Most people would consider it despicable to try selling drugs to kids when they are buying ice cream. Yes, it may be an unreasonable upsell, but on the flipside it is undeniably innovative to sell ice cream to potheads with the munchies! Two birds, one stoned. Consider also the forethought: both products are mobile by nature. Transporting them in the same vehicle is efficient and cost-cutting.

It is easy to paint this man as a bad apple and, joking aside, his alleged actions were certainly justifiable for arrest. But wasn't he simply mimicking the same unethical opportunism that this country has rewarded in recent years? I wonder how a ghetto entrepreneur being brought to justice might differ if he were, say, a creditor (a) taking part in predatory lending, (b) making money betting against the home owner's capacity to repay their subprime loans, (c) foreclosing homes and/or (d) giving himself several million dollars in bonuses using government bailout money? Which would more likely get off scot-free? And which has caused the greater damage: a inner-city pot dealer or the corrupt perpetuant of the housing crisis/recession? Only one is in jail.

The Future of Dessert for the 99%

May Day is coming, but the country's flaming cockpit has been radioing "May Day" since the collapse of the housing market. I could repeat the well-publicized news of economic inequality, plutocracy, corporate personhood or anything else that is fairly obvious to those with powers of observation uninhibited by Fox "News." (I don't mind joking about Fox News since it is treated with a grain of salt by my friends who identify themselves as having Republican and conservative views.) I will NOT be talking about these critical and timely issues for our nation. Instead, I will talk about dessert.

My brother recently sent me an article that details a natural resource whose supply is in danger. It is dark in color, highly viscous in liquid form and among the most important and needed substances in the world: chocolate. While demand for cacao increases each year, the finicky crop remains static. The crops have very specific needs to thrive but limited amounts of available land that can meet those needs. Deforestation, a controversial and unsustainable option, is the current practice while different ideas for plant cultivation are explored. But time is running out as each year brings higher demand. And future limited supply will result in chocolate going to highest bidder, namely those with the wealth.

Issues like this are easy to dismiss because it seems like a problem of the future. But that feeling only lasts until the problem hits where it hurts.

During my fourth visit to Boston this year, I made my typical rounds, which include a trip down Mass Ave. I passed the newly closed Daddy's Junky Music, a regional chain guitar shop I would go inside whenever I passed. I continued north to Newbury Street, Boston's funky shopping district for both local and chain stores for fashion, food and miscellany. My first stop, however, sent shock waves through me. Instead of a bustling ice cream escape house, I saw this:


On the closed entry doors of J.P. Licks was a message. It wasn't an advertisement for a new flavor to tempt me away from my old stand-by, a scoop of creamy Oreo Batter and a scoop of their chocolate-based Oreo. No, it was the disturbing message that the store was closed because the only store capable of affording the rising rent costs are big chain businesses. The Back Bay neighborhood Ben & Jerry's is still in business, the Emack & Bolio's charges on, but a successful local chain has been driven from its home. Here's the message in its entirety:


March 13, 2012

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls,

It is with great sadness that I must announce the closing of this, our Newbury Street store. After almost 20 years our lease is expiring and our time has come to vacate the premises. Our last day open will be Sunday, March 11th. Our landlord plans to rent the entire building to a single tenant like the Converse, Patagonia, and Forever 21 buildings on this block of Newbury Street. We can neither afford nor utilize this entire 2 story building.

This was our third store when it opened and perhaps the most unique and wonderful looking store of any since. Our shattered tile, sculptural front counter was a genuflection to the great architect from Barcelona at the turn of the twentieth century, Antoni Gaudi. The counter was co-designed and built by Mitch Sidd. The magnificent, life-sized Holstein wall mural was painted by Kim Goldstein and Gail Henry. The overall design of the "Church of the Cow" was conceived by myself and built by CAFCO Construction.

As we continue to look for a new affordable home in the Back Bay, please be sure to visit our newest store at 150 Charles Street on Beacon Hill. The Charles Street shop is currently under construction and scheduled to open in April. You can also visit any of our 9 locations in and around Boston for your yogurt and ice cream needs.

Thank you so much for your patronage over the years. It's been a lot of fun serving you all.

Sincerely,
Vince Petryk
Owner and Founder of J.P. Licks

Square Doughnuts in the Big Apple

Top: vanilla bean with jelly, tres leche, coconut creme

Center: blueberry, crème brûlée
Bottom: chocolate chip cookie, pineapple, Valrhona chocolate

Every doughnut at Doughnut Plant looks fun, original and stylish. But with prices that match their high quality ingredients (none of these: trans fat, preservatives, artificial flavors or even eggs), one is forced to choose wisely. Even I found myself limiting how many I bought, settling on these 8 doughnuts for roughly $24.

Yeast doughnuts, cake doughnuts, round doughnuts, square doughnuts; they are ALL specialty doughnuts at Doughnut Plant, each offering something unique. I could simply highlight my favorites of this batch, but all of them were delicious and deserving of attention. Here they are reviewed in their pictured order:

Vanilla Bean & Blackberry Jelly - A square yeast doughnut filled with jelly. Unlike most jelly doughnuts, every bite offers tastes of the filling and in a controlled ratio. 'Nuff said.

Tres Leche - A round cake doughnut with filling! This doughnut has a delicate flavor with a rich filling that is ripe with milkiness and perhaps coconut milk. I liked what I tried, but not as much as the person in my party who snagged the leftover portion before I could. My throne may be in danger.

Coconut Creme - A square yeast doughnut with filling. Delicious coconut creme filling and glazed with coconut flakes. Though they would claim this flavor was made in the plant with the other doughnuts, I'd argue it was made in heaven. A favorite of members in my party.

Blueberry - A berry-purple(!) round cake doughnut. This was the prettiest of the doughnuts. Admittedly, blueberry cake doughnuts are not my favorite, but this did contain some nice hunks of blueberries. I had hoped the glaze would have been more tart.

Crème Brûlée - A small round doughnut with a crystallized top you could crack with a spoon. The robust flavor of this filled doughnut is that of burnt sugar, flavorful first and sweet second. My favorite of these doughnuts, which admittedly did not last long enough for me to share.

Chocolate Chip Cookie - This doughnut is deceptively simple. Crushed cookies completely coat its cakey core. At first it tastes like eating a fried cookie, but then it tastes like eating A FRIED COOKIE!

Valrhona Chocolate - A light, chewy, round yeast doughnut covered from top-to-bottom with a thin layer of frosting, which tastes more like chocolate than most other would-be chocolate frostings.

Pineapple - A round yeast doughnut with a pineapple glaze. Sadly, I ate this the next morning. One recommendation: if you buy doughnuts for the next day, the yeast doughnuts do not keep well. The frosting did still have the quick sharp flavor one would hope to get from a pineapple food product.

Doughnut Plant is located in easy walking distance from where the Chinatown buses load and drop off. After impatiently eating the Crème Brûlée, it is amazing that any of these doughnuts made the trip to Boston. Some of them were saved until the next morning. (Please note that the yeast doughnuts do not keep well overnight.) But do not let this keep you from buying in bulk, though, because the cake doughnuts with remaining bites actually tasted better the next day.

Frozen, toasted & better than an ashtray full of icicles.

You are looking at the Toasted Marshmallow milkshake, a product of Stand 4, a hamburger joint near NYU in Manhattan. Photographed by friend and fellow-sugar-addict Piper Blouin, this dessert holds many wonderful secrets waiting to be found by eager taste buds.

Make no mistake this is not a vanilla milkshake with marshmallows floating in it; this is a creamy liquid marshmallow. It has a slightly rough texture, attributed to the grey and brown flecks present throughout. These are the source of the genuine toasted flavor that makes the dessert tasty and memorable.

"Is there liquid smoke in this?" I ask Brandon, our wonderful waiter. No, he assures me; the cooks at Stand 4 toast hundreds of marshmallows every day. These are then blended/food processed/molecularly bonded with vanilla gelato to create the fabulous frozen/burnt paradox every mouth can enjoy.

I got my answer. To get that unmistakable toasted flavor, the key is including actual toasted things (unlike certain would be toasted marshmallow desserts). But that doesn't stop me from wanting to create an ice cream flavor that uses liquid smoke!

Media Fear Tactics Against Ice Cream --or-- How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the FroYo

The act of eating store-bought fruit ice cream is usually disappointing. One bite and the realization hits that it just isn't as fruity as hoped. The tartness and sweetness are diluted when in competition with the fruit of the cow. But still the devoted continue to line up for each newly introduced tree-born concoction to grace the grocery-store freezer.

Cue conspiratorial laughter.

A few aisles over, in the open refrigerated section, the yogurt rests easy knowing that there is a double standard working in its favor. While the level of fruitiness is disappointing in ice cream, there is a tradition of appreciating the subtle contributions fruit makes to yogurt. In truth, the actual fruit content ratios of the two products are similar, so why the love for fruit yogurt and the disappointment with fruit ice cream? Lemme break it down for ya. Quite simply, there is always a low expectation when eating yogurt, but we settle for because we've been taught to not eat ice cream all the time. Having interviewed every lactose-friendly person on earth, I can report that no one actually prefers frozen yogurt; it only gets eaten because of the smear campaign against ice cream. (Yes, sometimes yogurt is the more healthy option, but not always! I ask you, what about the health of one's soul?)

The resurgence of froyo has made itself nauseatingly clear with baby talk chain names and their cutesy-wootsy color palettes. (One exception: Snog, an international chain started in Britain. Visit their wittily chosen URL ifancyasnog.com and treat yourself to their witty taglines.) Ben & Jerry's saw this as their golden opportunity.

Ben & Jerry's has released a new line of products called Greek Frozen Yogurt. Intrigued, I put my FroYo differences aside and picked up a pint of both Raspberry Fudge Chunk and Blueberry Vanilla Graham. Both offered the slightly sour flavor one expects with frozen yogurt, but the texture was creamy enough that it reminded me of a light cheesecake ice cream. The vanilla in the blueberry flavor gives a fullness of flavor that reminds you why vanilla is popular. The raspberry flavor had gobs and gobs of fudge chunks, a favorite mix-in of mine that Ben & Jerry's is usually uncharacteristically stingy with.

Though they are simply feeding on our fear--note that there is no mention on the packaging of any health advantages to the new product--Ben & Jerry's have actually created a tasty product befitting of their brand. Each flavor takes something classic, imagines another flavor to give it an edge and then throws in loads of chunks. Other flavors currently available in the new product line are Strawberry Shortcake and one more featuring the fruit that shall not be named.

The Continuing Fight to Save Chicago Ice Cream

This past summer, there was pandemonium in the Chicago ice cream community. The state of Illinois began enforcing laws that require small mom-and-pop ice cream makers to purchase expensive and unnecessary equipment. The issue in question is stove-top pasteurization, a cost-effective method widely accepted in the industry as being safe. Health and safety are not endangered by the use of this technique, but the state is halting production of the companies that use it, starting with Nice Cream. Bureaucratic red tape shutting down small businesses is the last thing we need in this economy. Unfortunately, the struggle continues.

This week I received a note (and button!) from Nice Cream founder, Kris Swanberg:

Thank you so much for donating to the Nice Cream Kickstarter project last year. When we found that we were going to have to stop production because of state licensing we were totally and completely devastated. Because of you and others like you we are making our way toward getting this changed and being back in business.

You can help! Go to the Nice Cream website for instructions for writing the Governor of Illinois and an Illinois State Representative.


UPDATE (6/14/13): Back in October, I emailed Kris asking if the business had folded since the website appeared to be down, not to mention their inactivity on Facebook and Twitter. For these reasons, the total lack of any coverage of Nice Cream dated after 2011 and the lack of a response to my email, I think one can assume that Nice Cream is gone forever. What a sad and terrible turn.

You're Welcome, President Obama

'Sup Barack-n-Roll,

During your second birthday in the White House, I joined many Americans in sending you birthday wishes. Mine included the suggestion to try Thomas Sweet in Georgetown. I know how busy it must be having a full-time job and raising a family, so I didn't expect my note to be given full attention. Having recently revisited the shop, I was shocked to see pictures of you on their wall shaking hands and posing with the staff. You DID read my note!

At first, I was a tad bothered that I wasn't sent a thank you card for sharing such valuable information, but then I remembered I never sent you a thank you note for taking on the Sisyphean task of working with a Congress so consumed by pleasing their funders that they refuse to do their job. Rather than ignorantly blaming you for having both hands tied behind your back, I would like to be the change I want to see in the world. Here is my offer to serve on your cabinet in a new position I call Secretary of Dessert Consumption. Here is my first report:

Mr. President, some time has passed since my first transmission. By now I have visited each of the most frequently mentioned top ice cream shops in Washington, D.C. I am pleased to report that I did not pull a Rumsfeld, sir. Make no misunderestimations, Thomas Sweet is indeed the best in DC.

My personal favorite is Chocolate Chip Cookie. Unlike another American-invented ice cream flavor which contains cookie dough as a mix-in, this flavor actually tastes like cookie dough, complete with a mouthful of mini-chocolate chips in each bite. But there are many flavors worth exploring. I also highly recommend the Bittersweet Chocolate, which is gelato-like in its explosive dark chocolate flavor, and Chocolate Marshmallow Oreo, which features marshmallows with the same texture as those in the process of melting in a warm cup of hot chocolate.

As the first Secretary of Dessert Consumption, I will continue dutifully serving my country by providing reliable information on the best places for ice cream and more. All of this data will be compiled in this blog, thereby creating total transparency for the public eye and bettering our great country.

BFFs!
Brad



- - -

Update for 2015: While Thomas Sweet is more of a classic ice cream shop in D.C., in recent years another great option is Ice Cream Jubilee in Navy Yard, which offers some tres chic flavors.

Free Rita's Today!

Happy first day of spring from Rita's Italian Ice!

The second openly gay...ice cream?

Breaking news! While I was busy writing my multi-pan review of Ben & Jerry's Class of 2012, they did something worthy of absolute praise! After creating the first openly GLBT ice cream, Hubby Hubby back in 2009, Ben & Jerry's is doing it again with the UK launch of Apple-y Ever After.

Read this article: "Ben & Jerry's, the Vermont proprietor of ice-cream activism, has produced a limited-edition batch of apple pie-flavored pints—called "Apple-y Ever After"—to show its support for same-sex marriage in the U.K., where a gay rights organization has drafted a bill to legalize weddings between same-sex couples...'Sticking up for civil rights by a progressive company like Ben & Jerry's goes together like big chunks and swirls in ice cream,' Sean Greenwood, a spokesman for Ben & Jerry's U.S. operation, wrote."