Bobtail Year: Chocolate Covered Strawberry

February is month nine of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

 • • •

Dearest Strawberry,

Ask any seasoned couple and they can tell you when they first fell in love. It should come as no surprise then when I tell you that I remember when I was first introduced to a certain Strawberry and Goat Cheese ice cream, back when you went by that name. For weeks, I'd heard my friends talk about you and had looked forward to when I would meet such a vibrant and charismatic personality. Then one magical evening at Bobtail in 2010, fate brought us together. From the very first moment, I knew you were no ordinary strawberry and that I would dream of you for years to come.

When you first arrived, I was still fairly new in town myself. To me, you were the lights in the Chicago skyline. But, as it does for everyone, time passes and relationships change. You were carving out your own identity, one separate from goat cheese. Without that edgier side, you were just as beautiful as the day we met, but still I found myself missing your feisty, take-me-as-I-am spirit. There's no need to rehash about that rough period we went through, when I was seeing other flavors. I only bring it up so I can make one thing absolutely clear: While I did miss your adventurous side, I never stopped loving you, Strawberry.

Those love fires may have been burning low, but they were burning all the same. I couldn't help but reminisce every one of those times we ran into one another at Bobtail. I get the feeling those brief encounters also left you dreaming of that magical evening years ago when we first met.

By the time February rolled around, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to have you again. Little did I know that you had been thinking of reinventing yourself once more. Just in time for Valentine's Day, you unveiled yourself as Chocolate Covered Strawberry. While time had shown me that it was you I missed and not the frills, can you blame me for being allured by this new experimental side?

Look at you! I could just eat you up!

Ask any couple about how they keep the thrills coming in their more private moments and they'll say, "You have to spice it up." For me, the chocolate flake accoutrements gave you a new bite; they were black as leather and tasty as edible undies. But while I enjoyed this new kinky side, I remembered that it was your foundation as a flavor that really made you all that you are. Your rosy color and sweet disposition are exactly what I've been searching for all these years, no matter what form you may take. What I say to you now, I say for a lifetime: I would have you in my mouth anytime.

XOXO,
Brad

Top Ten Firecakes Doughnuts

How much is that doughnut in the window?

This week, Firecakes Donuts is celebrating its one-year anniversary. In honor of this, they are holding a promotion (Feb. 21 - 28) where every box of doughnuts (half-dozen or more) will include a sealed envelope with secret and wonderful contents. While most envelopes will contain a coupon for a free old fashioned, three will contain a "Golden Donut" good for free doughnuts for a year!

Since they have been my favorite doughnut shop in Chicago since they opened, I am a bit of an authority on their menu. I thought I would help out whomever finds the "Golden Donut" by introducing him or her to the Top Ten doughnuts Firecakes has to offer.

1.) Strawberry Mascarpone - This seasonal doughnut is the best in Chicago and easily top three in my life. A doughnut lightly stuffed with strawberry mascarpone, glazed and topped with two strawberries. Light, sweet, perfect, fresh. Get them while you can this week!
2.) Valrhona Chocolate Iced - You'll be tempted to get the Triple Valrhona Chocolate Cake doughnut instead, but stay simple and go classic. The best chocolate icing to be found on a doughnut because it actually tastes like chocolate, not just shiny black sugar.
3.) Meyers Lemon - Lemon is a category of doughnut I usually ignore, but Firecakes shut me up when they premiered this doughnut toward the end of 2013. Nothing canned about this tiny delicacy.
4.) Chocolate Hazelnut Long John - Not as Nutella-y as one might expect, but this doughnut still contains the maximum amount of richness a person could actually handle.

Strawberry Mascarpone: The best doughnut in Chicago.

5.) Donut Ice Cream Sandwich - A glazed doughnut split open and filled with a rotating menu of homemade gelato.
6.) Honey Glazed - Eating this, you will understand what every other doughnut place was trying to do.
7.) Peanut Butter Cup - This peanut butter cream-filled doughnut that makes me forgive all the less-than-dessert-y peanut butter things I've consumed over the years. And that glorious chocolate on top.
8.) Old Fashioned Buttermilk - The first non-yeast doughnut on this list...and the only Old-Fashioned Buttermilk Doughnut I've wanted to order again. Has a streak of something carmel-y in it.
9.) Old Fashioned Pumpkin Pie - This pumpkin cake doughnut with pumpkin mousse and caramelized pecan was memorable even after pumpkin season was over. Mmm...pumpkin season.
10.) Maple Glazed Pineapple & Bacon - The tart pineapple helps this bacon doughnut transcend the grease bomb most doughnut shops serve up.

Sorry, but our princess is in another castle.

"But, wait," you ask, "why not list a full dozen?"

Good question! Because I didn't win (see photo -->) and you're sharing with me...you know, for helping you out with my recommendations. Thanks in advance!

Happy anniversary, Firecakes! Can't wait to see what great doughnuts you think of next!

Bobtail Year: Walnut Fudge

January is month eight of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

• • •

Things I always think I will like more than I actually do:

• Looking out over cities from great heights
• Wearing sweaters to the office
• Clicking on links with clickbaiting captions
• McSweeney's humor section
• Reading books that came recommended by people who don't know my tastes
• Every time I give in and watch a Will Farrell movie because a friend swears that "This one is different" (Spoiler alert: It's still Will Farrell.)
• Rewatching sketches from my favorite years of SNL (My friend says Will Farrell's years were pretty funny, though.)
• Listening to a pop punk band from the mid-90s that I never heard until now
• New albums by The Roots
• New albums by Weezer
• New albums by Dashboa
• New albums by any artist or group who has gone a long time without a good album
• My first viewing of a Coen brothers movie
• Noir
• Quinoa
• Walnuts
• Fudge

Things that combine two disappointing things from the above list into something I enjoy:

• Bobtail's Walnut Fudge ice cream, a fudgy, gooey ice cream that is rich with cocoa and crunchy with walnuts

DonutFest

L: This blog's #1. C: The trophy. R: The judge's #1.

Walking into Chicago's first annual DonutFest, it may not have been immediately clear how brilliantly planned out it was. For starters, there were only fifteen bakeries competing, which doesn't seem like a lot for the $32.64 price tag...until I ate my eighth sample and felt my body was in rebellion against what I was doing to it. Luckily, most of the bakeries only offered one kind of doughnut to try, something that had irked me when I first walked in. (My question "How can a bakery be judged on a single pastry?" was trumped by "How could I have even imagined having the room to consume more than one sample per bakery?") Happily, the event stretched across four hours--five for VIP-ticket holders--allowing for much needed breaks for water/OJ and to consider the mistakes one has made in their lifetime. First, the event's accoaldes; then, this blog's more definitive accolades; and last, the full list of entries.

Top 3 (Judges):
Endgrain - Honey-glazed Doughscuit (doughnut-biscuit hybrid sandwiching a crème fraîche filling)
Doughnut Vault - Glazed Doughnut (yeast)
West Town Bakery - Speculoos-filled beer-in-the-batter yeast doughnut with a beer glaze and pretzel topping)

Speculoos-filled w/ beer glaze from West Town.

Top 3 (Audience Vote):
West Town Bakery - Speculoos-filled beer-in-the-batter yeast doughnut with a beer glaze and pretzel topping)
Endgrain - Honey-glazed Doughscuit (doughnut-biscuit hybrid sandwiching a light cream filling)
Donut Den - French Toast Donut (yeast)

- - -

Top 3 (This Blog):

Duck-fried Blueberry-filled from Chop Shop.

Best: Scafuri Bakery - Nutella Bombolini (Nutella-filled yeast doughnut, espresso glaze and toasted hazelnuts)
Runner-Up: West Town Bakery - Speculoos-filled beer-in-the-batter yeast doughnut with a beer glaze and pretzel rod topping)
Honorable Mention: Chop Shop - Duck Fried Blueberry-Filled Glazed Donut (yeast donut hole)

Best Non-Doughnut-in-a-Doughnut-Competition:
Endgrain's Doughscuit
It may have won the trophy from the judges and been the runner-up with the audience, but I'm pulling the it's-not-a-doughnut card. In a room full of gastronomic armchair scholars, palates can often lean toward preference for the unusual. Having had Endgrain's Doughscuit several times before, I didn't get too caught up in the hype of a portmanteau-named creation differentiating itself from the competition in a doughnut festival. To reiterate, I love Endgrain and like a tasty Doughscuit now and then, but (a) their doughnuts are better and (b) the doughscuit is only one-half doughnut participating is a full-on doughnut festival. The main upside of its success (beyond increased exposure for the much deserving Endgrain) is that a cronut didn't win. I am grateful West Town Bakery didn't submit their oily mess "doughssant" (as opposed to "cronut") to get the hype vote.

Firecakes served full Peanut Butter Cup.

Texture Award:
Fritz Pastry - Blueberry Chocolate Crumb

Generosity Award:
Firecakes
West Town Bakery

- - -

All the contenders:
Beavers Donuts - S'mores
Berrista - sugar-free Lemon
Chop Shop - Duck Fried Blueberry-Filled Glazed Donut (yeast donut hole)
City Dough - Cinnamon Sugar (cake) (nostalgia award)

Donut Den - French Toast Donut (yeast)

Doughnut Vault - Glazed Doughnut (yeast)

Endgrain - Honey-glazed Doughscuit (doughnut-biscuit hybrid sandwiching a light cream filling)
Firecakes - Peanut Butter Cup
Fritz Pastry - Blueberry Chocolate Crumb
Glazed & Infused - Maple Bacon Long John

Gurnee Donuts - Glazed Buttermilk

Reuter's Bakery - chocolate glazed (cake)

Scafuri Bakery - Nutella Bombolini (Nutella-filled yeast doughnut, espresso glaze and toasted hazelnuts)

Swedish Bakery - Chocolate Custard Bismiarck
West Town Bakery - Speculoos-filled beer-in-the-batter yeast doughnut with a beer glaze and pretzel topping)

Bobtail Year: Flavor Battle: Peanut Butter

December is month seven of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre. 

Ever since I tasted Bobtail's flavor Sloth, I've craved more of their peanut butter ice cream. Bobtail's regular ice cream menu features two unusual flavors that center around peanut butter: Peanut Butter Chip and White Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup. But which is better?

Peanut Butter Chip (left)
Here we have a peanut butter ice cream base with chocolate flakes. The base overcomes the issue of many peanut ice creams: they are so stick-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth that they forget to be dessert. This one is simultaneously feeling viscous and light, all while being addictively sweet. The flakes are generously distributed throughout, but like pretty much any flavor that features Bobtail's chocolate chips flakes, they are not strong enough to effect the flavor in a big way. The flakes add a delicate brittleness, but the chocolate flavor doesn't really permeate into consciousness until after the mouth warms back up, adding a nice touch of semisweet to the aftertaste. Best to take a break between spoonfuls to get the full effect.

White Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup (right)
Like the Peanut Butter Chip, this flavor overcomes a common issue: most chocolate candy ice creams use a vanilla or sweet cream base, when a chocolate base would be far more sensible. Curiously, Bobtail chose to have a white chocolate base instead of chocolate. And a wise choice it was, providing more fullness of flavor than one typically finds in Bobtail's chocolate base. It also complements the peanut butter cups well, a mix-in that brings toothsome chunkiness to each bite in which they appear. Together, the base and mix-in balance one another perfectly. The only issue is the inconsistency in which the cups appear; while there were plenty of bites with more than one cup, there were far too many bites with no cups, especially as I neared the bottom of my pint.

Verdict: You can't lose...but you are more than a winner--a peanut butter champion!--if you get a scoop of each.

Chicago's Twelve Doughnuts of Christmas

Endgrain's holiday doughnuts (r-l): Peppermint (Best!), Mint Chocolate, Gingerbread

'Twas the holiday season and fryers did fry
Colorful, tasty and festive delights!
There's no better way than to cap off the year
With doughnuts resplendent with holiday cheer!

Do-Rite's Hot Chocolate.
Also on their holiday menu:
Chocolate Candy Cane,
Gingerbread Old Fashioned
and Christmas Cookie

I first dash to Do-Rite, whose works I admired.
The best was Hot Chocolate, so rich and inspired!
Choc-o-late Candy Cane also had zeal.
(Christmas cookie and gingerbread had less appeal.)

Endgrain had gingerbread, too--just okay--
Plus two tasty doughnuts with peppermint glaze.
The one topped with chocolate got all of the press,
But I liked the one with red sugar the best.

Then over to Doughnut Vault, teeming with hype,
But they had sold out, which did cause me to gripe.
No chocolate peppermint doughnut for me
Nor gingerbread doughnuts, sold by the three.

Holiday Cookie doughnut from Firecakes.
Also on their holiday menu: Eggnog
and Chocolate Peppermint Bark.

At Firecakes I ended my wintry sojourn.
Their choc-o-late peppermint bark I did scorn
And their custard-y eggnog did drive me away,
But their holiday cookie gave reason to stay.

Twelve holiday doughnuts--so tempting to buy--
But these three wise doughnuts you simply must try:
Number three is Doughnut Vault's Gingerbread Stack.
They have it year round and I've meant to go back!

Endgrain's Peppermint gets second place.
So airy and sweet with a candy cane taste!
But the toasted marshmallow with choc'late so yummy
Made Do-Rite's Hot Chocolate the best in my tummy!

Like Santa, my stomach was giant and round.
So many doughnuts will pack on some pounds!
As I waddled down Hubbard Street, I yelled 'neath my cap,
"Thanks for the doughnuts! Now I need a nap."

Thanksgiving Done Right

Thanksgiving is...cozy and welcoming with the spicy scent of brewing cider.

Thanksgiving is...stuffing your face with another mouthful, even though your stomach might burst.

Thanksgiving is...the culmination of all of the tastes of the season with the final bite transitioning a person into winter.

Bobtail's Sweet Potato Pie ice cream is...the taste of Thanksgiving, transporting me home. But rather than talk about this delicious flavor, I'm going to talk about family.

---

This year I spent fall break in Spain, staying with my friend Louise in Barcelona. Her friends organized a Thanksgiving dinner in honor of some folks who’d recently moved from America. Half-expecting a paella-stuffed turkey, the meal was a delicious and hilarious hodge-podge with a few vague parallels to American Thanksgiving, like turkey being substituted with fried chicken. But, in a way, it was not unlike most Thanksgiving dinners I’ve had since moving away from home, feeling both joyous and incomplete. It feels as though the best any celebration could hope to be is second place because, for me, Thanksgiving is everyone packed in around the table during a crisp fall afternoon in Hampton, VA.

Growing up, I was lucky enough to live in the same city as one set of grandparents and my aunt’s family. We all liked one another so much that we spent birthdays and holidays together. Thanksgiving morning would start by giving gratitude at the morning church service and end at my grandma’s house. Once there, my brother Brian and I would ditch our ties and, while finishing touches were made on the food, my cousin TR and I would help out by raking the yard. We would inevitably finish leaf duty early and join my dad in the ritualistic sneaking of food from kitchen.

Eventually after being shooed away from our dutiful taste testing, the table would be set. There was always a surplus of food: turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, yams, green bean casserole, Jell-O salad, rolls and, one of my favorites, a cylinder of canned cranberry sauce. Brian’s birthday is in late November, so every few years, it would fall on Thanksgiving. It’s a good thing Brian likes turkey.

With so many people—Grandmama, Grandaddy, Aunt Shelia, Uncle Terry, my cousins Breea and TR, Mom, Dad, Brian and me—there wasn’t enough room at the table, even with the leaf put in. Each side of the family had a delegated member that had to sit on a small folding chair of questionable stability. This honor fell to the youngest member of each family—TR and me—because picking on the youngest is an age-old tradition. Both TR and I later grew up to be the tallest members of families, which I believe we willed into happening so we’d never have to sit in the smallest chairs again.

Each time the family sat down together you could expect a few hilarious things to happen: Uncle Terry would cause trouble by bringing up politics, Granddaddy would make a comment that the rest of us would regard as racially insensitive, we would hear about the crazy trouble some of Breea and TR’s friends had gotten themselves into and someone, usually me, would spill on the carpet.

One year, Grandmama had new carpet put in and we were all warned to be extra careful not to spill. Of course, no one ever tries to spill; it just happens. When I was the first to spill on the new carpet, there was a mild uproar that gradually turned into laughter. I was actually given a prize for being the first.

These traditions of the family all getting together—something we did for every birthday and holiday—continued as each of the kids started growing up, going to college and moving away. We all enjoyed spending time together. One year TR had finally had enough. “What’s wrong with us?” he asked. “We’re all so normal! None of us fight or get into much trouble! We all like each other!” And we all had to laugh because TR was right, but we liked it that way.

They're not the best, but...

Repost from Reddit.

The local Redditors in Kearney, Nebraska report that the donuts are pretty good, which to me sounds better than a'ight.

(Thanks to Jamie for the Reddit thread that sourced the title and picture.)

Helado Puertorriqueño en Heladeria Lares

The couple up front is selling lottery tickets. Resist(!) so you can buy ice cream.

"Can I try the Bacalao ice cream, please?" I asked.

"Bacalao?" Based on her tone, she was wondering if she had translated the word incorrectly for me. Why else would a person want to try it? It's not like there weren't other options and each customer was allowed a mere two samples.

But I needed to make mine count. When in Puerto Rico, right?

"Sí."

The girl behind the counter gave me both a taster spoon with Bacalao on it and a horrified expression. Soon a nauseating bite of ocean water clouded my sense of bewildered amusement. This was Heladeria Lares and I was eating Salted Cod ice cream.

---

Located about ninety minutes west of our hotel in San Juan, not far from Camuy River Cave Park and one hour from Rincón Lighthouse on Puerto Rico's west coast, the town of Lares is comprised of a steep hill. At the top is the town square, tucked amongst colorful are-they-closed-or-vacant businesses. Among them is Heladeria Lares, the most universally revered ice cream shop in Puerto Rico based on my research. Through its open entryway are eight ice cream freezers. And inside are 40-50 different flavors.

While I would've eaten it just by
treating the freezer like a trough, sadly
the front did not open for customers.

For shy eaters, they feature the standard fare one would expect to find at any purveyor of frozen dairy delicacies: vanilla with chocolate chips, chocolate, chocolate with chocolate chips, cookies and cream, strawberry cheesecake, amaretto and vanilla with caramel and chocolate. These are mostly tucked in the back though, signaling that they are not the main event.

Most abundant are the fruit flavors. Some are flavors we all know well, such as banana, strawberry and orange. Others are recognizable tropical fruits, such as pineapple, passion fruit, papaya, guava and mango. Still more are less recognizable tropical fruits, such as acerola, soursop, tamarind, sea grape, breadfruit and guama (aka ice cream fruit).

But fruit isn't the only produce represented in the flavors at Heladeria Lares. Garlic, ginger, pumpkin, sweet potato, carrot and corn ice creams are also available. For those seeking nuts and legumes, there's pistachio, peanut, almond and peanut with almonds.

Then there are other, more culturally specific flavors to excite more adventurous eaters. Some of these are inspired by traditional desserts found around the island, such as sweet plantain, coconut with cinnamon, sweet rice, dulce de leche, almond cake and sesame seed candy. Others are inspired by traditional entrées and side dishes, including rice and beans, pumpkin soup, arroz con gandules and fried and salted cod. (With crazy flavors like this, it's no wonder that the guy from Bizarre Foods has also been there.)

Sweet plantain (tan), rice and beans (yellow),
acerola (pink), chocolate with almonds and orange.

There were even more flavors, but taking pictures of eight display cases in a crowded ice cream shop is mad hard, yo.

Wanting to embrace the widest possible spectrum of flavors, I settled on four flavors, ranging from familiar to unusual. I was quick to choose acerola, a pink cherry whose tart juice I drank at dinner the night before (San Juan's Jose Enrique, whose red snapper ranks as a Top 3 meal of my life), falling in love instantaneously. Also in my bowl was rice and beans, which was a pleasant surprise during my sampling phase. It was subtly sweet and earthy with a mildly gritty texture. I immediately regretted getting the sweet plantain, which had more of a banana flavor than I'd expected. (Curséd fruit.) And while the chocolate with almonds was forgettable and far-from-rich, my date's orange was so refreshing and citrus-y sweet that I had no trouble helping her finish it.

Undoubtedly, some American customers will be surprised by the texture of the ice cream. Given its crystally and thin texture, plus how light it is--think melty pushpop--I wouldn't be surprised if the non-fruit flavors are actually ice milk, or something similar. The fruit flavors are assuredly a water-based sorbet. But while the texture can be jarring and the (probable) use of milk instead of cream drastically altered the experience of my chocolate with almonds, I think that ultimately most customers would enjoy Heladeria Lares for its off-the-beaten-path charm and its brightly-flavored fruit sorbets, not to mention its stranger flavors available for sampling.

-----

Vocabulario de Heladeria Lares 
(Lares Ice Cream Shop Vocabulary)

acerola: a pink cherry, which according to Wikipedia is also known as Barbados cherry, West Indian cherry and wild crepemyrtle
ajo: garlic

Stack the scoops high.

almendra: almond
arroz con dulce: sweet rice (rice pudding)
arroz con gandules: Wikipedia says: "Arroz con gandules is a combination of rice, pigeon peas and pork, cooked in the same pot with Puerto Rican-style sofrito."
arroz con habichuela: rice and beans
bacalao: cod
batata: sweet potato
bizcocho almendrado: almond cake
calabaza: pumpkin
cazuela: pumpkin soup
china: a Puerto Rican slang for orange
chocolate con almendra: chocolate with almond
chocolate con pedazos de chocolate: chocolate with chocolate chips
coquito acanelado: coconut with cinnamon
dulce de ajonjoli: sesame seed candy
dulce de leche: Similar to caramel in texture, taste and color, dulce de leche uses sweetened milk, sometimes goat's milk or coconut milk. 
fresa: strawberry
guama: ice cream fruit (or Wikipedia)
guanábana: soursop
guayaba: guava
guineo: banana (Side note: For anyone crazy enough to like the fruit that is best forgotten, Lares is home to an annual banana festival, so this might be especially good...for what it is, at least.)
jengibre: ginger
lechoza: papaya
maíz: corn
maní: peanut
maní con almendra: peanuts with almonds
pana: breadfruit (Thanks to curiouskitty for the help on this one.)
parcha: passion fruit
piña: pineapple
plátano dulce: sweet plantain
queso con fresa: strawberry cheesecake

Two sample limit: cruelty to afficionados

tamarindo: tamarind, which is used in making sweet and sour sauce
uva playera: sea grape (Is it a grape? Is it something so much more? I didn't get to try it, sadly.)
vainilla caramelo y chocolate: vanilla, caramel and chocolate
vainilla con galletas: cookies and cream (vanilla)
vailnilla con pedazos de chocolate: vanilla with chocolate chips
zanahoria: carrot

Note: I have elected to use the "International" tag because this food is representative of the culture that already existed before Puerto Rico was a U.S. territory.

Bobtail Year: Wrecking Ball

No comment.

October is month five of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

Let's pretend there is no Miley Cyrus and a wrecking ball isn't a method of transport for naked, hypersexualized 20s-somethings with androgynous hairstyles--this is already my best post ever--but that it is nothing more than a steel sphere used to level buildings. Through this lens we will analyze Bobtail's latest flavor.

HISTORY - PATH OF DESTRUCTION. Though Bobtail was likely the first to create a Wrecking Ball ice cream, numerous companies claim to be the inventors of the wrecking ball. The most well publicized claim of ownership is Henry Bath & Co. who possess documentation claiming use of such a device to break up an iron ship in the late 1800s. (Steel beats Iron, Iron beats Aluminum and Aluminum beats Steel by covering it and turning it into a disco ball.) But it is hard to imagine civilization without big, heavy things being used to smash its inferiors to bits. The concept is so basic that it is a wonder anyone can claim to have been the first. Similarly, can anyone really claim to have "invented" white chocolate? It is made by extracting cocoa butter from cacao. A person can no more invent cocoa butter than they can invent oxygen and hydrogen by boiling water. All anyone can do is make sweet use of white chocolate, something Bobtail has ably done.

Keep that tongue in your mouth.

FUNCTION - INSTRUMENT OF DESTRUCTION. Unlike other cranes, which are used to create, wrecking balls are used to destroy. The mighty weight is controlled by a motorized moveable pulley system, the same we see used by cranes. They are sleek, but theirs is a violent function. Kinetic energy gives the smooth, round form hanging from a chain its wild streak of red, like the raspberry swirl in this white chocolate ice cream. The swirl creates a tang amongst the sweet, creating a flavor best described as "pink." Bobtail's flavor also features hunks of raspberry, which were unadvertised but quite welcome.

RESULTS - IN THE WAKE OF DESTRUCTION. Gracefully cutting through the sky, wrecking balls mustn't be wielded with wild abandon. Like a boomerang, this beautiful behemoth of steel returns to its source--push it away and it will come back--but unlike a boomerang, a wrecking ball leaves wreckage in its path wherever it goes. The shards left behind may resemble the toffee or chocolate covered peanuts that remain when the ice cream melts away. And Wrecking Ball has more delicious chunks than any Bobtail flavor I've ever eaten. Grab a spoon and shovel it in your mouth like a bulldozer.

Flavor Battle: Chicago's Autumnal Doughnuts

The season's best:
Do-Rite's Pumpkin and Apple Caramel from Glazed & Infused

A few years ago, I did a survey of the pumpkin ice cream/gelato/frozen custard around Chicago. Now I have done the same with the pumpkin doughnuts in the Windy City. (If you need to brush up, you can also read a complete review of Chicago doughnuts and brief history.) For gluttony's sake good measure, I also tried other autumnal doughnuts that are available. Here they are, in order of favorite pumpkin doughnut to least favorite:

Do-Rite Donuts - Pumpkin cake doughnut with cream cheese dollop and pumpkin seeds
The cream cheese dominates each bite it is in, but Do-Rite uses it sparingly, unlike its competitors. This is a wise decision since there are so many other noteworthy features to this doughnut. The pumpkin seeds add a fabulous textural element. The doughnut itself is springy like a cider doughnut. The pumpkin is a constant, subtle presence carrying throughout under the glaze, but it isn't overtaken by typical spices of cinnamon and nutmeg. All of these factors make it easy to say that Do-Rite's pumpkin doughnut is the best. They're also offering Carrot Cake doughnuts with a cream cheese dollop in the middle. They are tasty, but completely overshadowed by the Pumpkin doughnut.

Firecakes - Pumpkin cake doughnut with pumpkin mousse and caramelized pecans
This doughnut most resembles the pumpkin doughnut holes my mom would fry up on fall mornings. A simple pumpkin flavor with a soft exterior, rolled in cinnamon-sugar. The pecans are the perfect autumnal topper for the chilling air. Add their texture to the granulated sugar and the smooth, soft mousse and you've got decadent attention to detail. Everything is good about this doughnut, but the pumpkin flavor isn't popping out as much as I'd like, which is surprising. The mousse in my doughnut, which should serve that function, instead had a coffee aftertaste. Firecakes is also offering Banana Goat Cheese Walnut, whose existence I've ignored due to the presence of the enemy fruit.

Endgrain - Pumpkin cake doughnut
Buried underneath that thick layer of glaze might be a superior doughnut, but I would never know. The texture is superior: dense without being heavy, airy without a touch of staleness. Also available is Salted Caramel, which has all the tasty stickiness it implies. These guys know butterscotch and caramel and apply it generously.

Glazed & Infused - Pumpkin chocolate chip cake doughnut with cream cheese frosting and vanilla glaze
As a whole, the treat is good, but is it pumpkin? The pumpkin flavor is not strong enough to be noticeable under the cream cheese and glaze. The chocolate is a nice touch but it would have been a nicer touch if it were in tandem with a strong pumpkin flavor. As for the rest of the menu, Glazed & Infused changes its menu each season and among the new doughnuts, none is as good as the Apple Caramel cake doughnut. With bits of apple in the dough, a gooey dark caramel, a cinnamon glaze and peanuts, Glazed & Infused's Apple Caramel is the best seasonal doughnut of all, beating out all of the pumpkin doughnuts.

Dunkin' Donuts - Pumpkin cake doughnut
A very bright, artificial orange. I taste the spice, but not the pumpkin. A light glaze to sweeten the deal. A solid reminder to go local.

West Town Bakery -  Pumpkin Cream Cheese Doissant
The flavor is good: lots of cinnamon sugar, a few pumpkin seeds sprinkled on top, flaky dough and cream cheese. There are downsides, too: the pumpkin taste isn't much of a presence and the drizzle of white (frosting?) clashes with all the other flavors. But the main issue is I felt I had consumed my weight in grease, something I've felt about all of West Town Bakery's doissants. Also offering an apple butter doissant, which I will not be trying. I'm not sure I'd survive another drowning by grease torpedo.

Krispy Kreme - Pumpkin doughnut & Pumpkin Cheesecake doughnut
Each year I tell myself to ignore Krispy Kreme's pumpkin doughnut. There is a significant amount of spice in the doughnut--more than most "pumpkin spice" concoctions one finds this time of year--but the glaze is so thick it leaves me grabbing for a beverage to kill the sugar burn in my mouth. This year they also featured Pumpkin Cheesecake, a filled doughnut with white frosting and gingersnap cookie crumble. Not terrible, but the filling had two distinct moments that didn't overlap: the sour cream cheese beginning and the pumpkin spice ending. Verdict: the only item worthy of getting at Krispy Kreme is the original glazed...which is still plenty reason to go.

Dunkin' Donuts - Pumpkin Pie doughnut
A mere two bites contained any filling, which was pumpkin pie colored, textured like marshmallow fluff and tasted like room temperature plastic. Like many Dunkin' Donuts, it had far too much cloying frosting, but at least it got the horrible taste of the filling out of my mouth. This was by far the worst doughnut I ate and is among the worst doughnuts I have ever consumed.

Origin of the Squashasaurus Rex

Halloween haunts may be chilling the autumn air, but there wasn't any booing heard during the Eighth Annual Pumpkin Challenge, my month-and-a-half mission to consume as many varieties of pumpkin edibles as possible. This year a new schedule was enacted, which bumped the Challenge earlier than previous years and unwittingly shortened it from 47 days to 45.* Even then, the delicious plague of pumpkin fever has spread so much since I began the Pumpkin Challenge that I was still able to excel at discovering the blessed food on many a romp, scoring my second highest tally ever: 46.

But things weren't always this easy. Imagine yourself in a less prosperous pumpkin time, an age before we were all the ravenous Squashasaurus Rexes we are today, devouring anything that so much as casts an orange shadow. So close your eyes, little one, and be transported to the haunting past of less than a decade ago...

Okay, my bad. It's a blog--you read with your eyes, I said to close them, blah blah blah--so please lift your eyelids once more and read the next paragraph:

Eight years ago, the absolute earliest a person could find pumpkin products was October 1. Any pumpkin inquiries made before then were met with repulsed, are-you-stupid eyes from every college student in an apron. "Of course not. It isn't October yet." But even when October came, it wasn't easy. Anything more extreme than pumpkin muffins or doughnuts were viewed as frivolity, not respectable gastronomic pursuit. The unenlightened powers-that-be (and their condescending aproned lackeys) believed pumpkin to be a novelty item meant only for carving at Halloween and eating as pie in November. But the light of change was shining through the eye holes of jack-o'-lanterns in homes across the nation: the people wanted more. An epicurean revolution was taking place in countless kitchens, internet recipes acting as leaflets of protest, spreading the cause as far as the green vines of internet freedom could stretch. And the people's voice did not die down, affecting social change and stirring pumpkin mania to the obsessive level we enjoy today.

Here's how I celebrated another year of pumpkin prosperity:

pumpkin walnut crunch bagel; pumpkin schmear (cream cheese spread); pumpkin butterscotch white chocolate walnut cookies; pumpkin doughnut; pumpkin pasta with spinach, mushrooms, hazelnuts and Parmesan; pumpkin churros; pumpkin fudge; pumpkin-apple mash; pumpkin muffin; harvest cookie with pumpkin seeds; pumpkin coffee cake; pumpkin chili; pumpkin-chocolate hot fudge; pumpkin baked French toast; pumpkin whiskey butterscotch cream puff; pumpkin-n-spice flax granola bar; vegan pumpkin chocolate chip cookie pie; pumpkin ice cream; pumpkin spice M&M's; salad with pepitas; baked pumpkin stuffed with gruyere, creme fraische, bread with lamb chorizo; pumpkin cream cheese loaf cake; curried pumpkin pizza with feta and kale; pumpkin cheesecake swirl brownies; snap-o-lantern ice cream (pumpkin with gingerbread cookie dough); pumpkin dinner rolls; lentil pumpkin salad with arugula and feta; sage and balsamic pork chops with creamy pumpkin polenta; pumpkin pie with sweetened condensed goat's milk and balsamic; pumpkin and kale risotto with pine nuts; pumpkin spice granola with pumpkin seeds; pumpkin cream cheese doissant (doughnut/croissant hybrid); pumpkin chipotle salsa; pumpkin sugar cookies with maple glaze; oatmeal pumpkin cookies with maple glaze; pumpkin cupcakes; pumpkin cheesecake croissant; chocolate chip pumpkin bread; spooky swirl frozen yogurt (Pumpkin Pie and Marshmallow twist); burger topped with fried pumpkin caramelized apple and Swiss cheese; pumpkin cheesecake with cinnamon whipped cream; pumpkin spice Raincoast Crisp; pumpkin pie bark; pumpkin pie Blizzard; pumpkin cream cheese muffin; pumpkin spice cake

Italics indicate it was homemade by me

It was a great Pumpkin Challenge this year. I feel great. Almost as great as this red panda playing with a pumpkin.


* While this year's Challenge ran from Sept. 1 to Oct. 15, previous years ran from Sept. 15 to Oct. 31. The loss of two days occurs because (1) there is no September 31 and (2) the true second-half of September is the 16th, not the nice round number I elected to start on, the 15th. That being said, having the challenge run 45 days is its own nice round number.