Something Delicious This Way Comes... (Post #100!)

Seattle's Fremont Solstice Parade is my favorite festival event. During this time, the liberal neighborhood allows many unusual displays in their parade--naked bicyclists, puppets with political messages, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence--but does not allow any written word. This means no tacky logos or lip service corporate sponsorship. Any company that wants to take part in the festivities while marketing themselves must be creative. But this is all expository to how one chocolate company introduced to me the new feminine ideal:

Topless women parading down the street covered in chocolate.

I'll say it again: Topless women parading down the street covered in chocolate. Plus there was strategic gold-dusting that's commonly used for the tips, er, tops of truffles.

And, great gobs of goo, one of them was the girl of my dreams. This girl had sold me chocolate once before at the sponsoring chocolate shop and let's just say the Jasmine Truffles weren't the only thing that caught eye. And the sugar wasn't the only thing that had my heart rate up. And the aphrodisiacs in chocolate weren't the only thing getting me excited. (Whew! Is it getting hot or is it just me?) Needless to say, seeing her walk by covered in chocolate left me hungry.

"Dude," I managed to sputter to James. "I think I've sexually peaked."

Really, what could be better? Marisa Tomei and I may have once shared intimate details about what we like for dessert, but it's not like she offered to share her sundae with me or covered herself in whipped cream. (Down boy!)

I explained the situation to James: Not too long ago I had been serviced by one of these chocolate-covered goddesses at her place of work. Having been painfully attracted to her when she was fully clothed, it seemed like a sign to have seen her in this new, toothsome way.

"I should ask that girl out."

"Go for it, man."

"I should ask that girl out tomorrow."

And so it was. The next day I wandered into the chocolate store and--BAM!--there she was looking delicious, even while fully clothed. I wandered in circles around the store pretending to be interested in chocolate. (Well, maybe not pretending...) She offered me free samples. I tried not to drool.

I waited for the other customers to give us some space, you know, so the burning passions that might erupt wouldn't make their chocolate all melty. Polite chit chat between she and I began as I browsed, continued as I made my selection...and ended as I made my purchase.

The move had not been made. What to do now? Go back through the line buying chocolate until I found the courage? No! It was time to act! I wandered back to her section of the store.

"Want some more free samples?" she asked. "Marry me now," I thought. Luckily, more sensible words came out of my mouth as I made my move. But, sadly, she said she was already seeing someone. She politely continued the conversation a bit and I was smooth in my replies, but really I had already mentally checked out. I had a bag of chocolates to eat that I no longer had any obligation to share.

Filler post. (Post #99!)

Da da da.

The Nose Knows

Yesterday, from early evening into the late Chicago night, the corner of State and Lake was permeating the smell of melted chocolate. I searched and searched but found not the source. It shall remain a mystery.

Note from 2012: The mystery was solved, but you have to read the comments to this post...

Unforgettable Krispy Kreme Memory Countdown: No. 1

When I was very young, my mom went back to school for her Master's Degree. With my dad working full-time, my grandparents were asked to watch me.

Granddaddy and I had a schedule to keep on these days. He would greet me when I arrived with a hug from his recliner and a "Heeeey, Pahd-nah!"--that's "Pardner" or "Partner" for y'all city folk. For breakfast, I would have apple sauce, corned beef hash and cubes of cheddar cheese. (Apple sauce remains almost a daily staple for me, while corned beef hash is purchased less frequently but always eaten with nostalgia.) This would be followed by a trip to a playground, either at the Hardee's on Big Bethel Road or the much larger wooden jungle gyms and slides, which I suspect were across Mercury Blvd. at Francis Mallory. Lots of running around and playing and making up games with other kids. The next item on the list was most important: meeting up with the other old men that congregated at Krispy Kreme to smoke, talk and drink coffee.

I remember how the place used to look: the counter that had stools that could spin all the way around, the cigarette ash and the coffee stains. I'd marvel at the doughnuts being made, traveling up and down while the dough would rise until the final stage, when the completed doughnut went by on the conveyor belt and up toward the ceiling where they would cool. (While a lot of this image has changed with sleeker, openly throwback design of today's Krispy Kreme, having the doughnut machinery on public display has thankfully stayed the same.) Granddaddy would buy me two doughnuts: a chocolate-frosted cake doughnut and an original glazed. The chocolate-frosted always felt like the "meal" doughnut that I'd have to endure to get to the dessert doughnut, the original glazed. (In retrospect, I realize that if I had understood things better then, I probably could have asked for two glazed instead and gotten my wish, but it all made sense at the time. First the meal doughnut, then the dessert doughnut.)

Unlike other kids that would come in, I would stay in my seat and behave, which means I gained the approval of the tough old men that we saw there every day. I remember that it was always exciting when "Uncle" Jesse was there; something about the man was dangerous, but in a Butch Cassidy, fun-loving way. My mom tells me I would sometimes report back with a mopey voice that "Uncle Jesse's in jail again." I didn't understand what it meant when a person didn't pay their child support; I just knew I missed my friend. The conversation just wasn't the same without him, but when he came back I was always ready to round the counter the give him a big hug.

But a person couldn't sit at Krispy Kreme all day. There was Bob Barker and The Price is Right to be watched, followed by professional wrestling--I think every kid's favorite at my age was Hulk Hogan--followed by soaps and/or cartoons.

There may not be a playground at the Hardee's on Big Bethel anymore. There may not stools at the counter of Krispy Kreme. There may not be any new episodes of The Price is Right with Bob Barker and his skinny microphone. And I may not be able to spend time with my granddaddy anymore. But I do think of these days Granddaddy and I spent together, more than one would probably expect, but most often when I go to Krispy Kreme and take the time to sit and enjoy the moment.

Unforgettable Krispy Kreme Memory Countdown: No. 2

It was my first date. Or at least I hoped so. I'd only met the girl a few days ago, but we'd already spent more hours together than I'd spent with some of my better friends. We couldn't stop smiling the whole time. I was crazy about her, but was it a date?

Started at Sandy Bottom Nature Park and I suggested we keep hanging out. We ended up at Krispy Kreme. I was a bit concerned because she didn't order anything. But when I sat down to eat my Boston Kreme doughnut, she revealed Item #3,045 that we had in common: Boston Kreme was her favorite doughnut. At this point the excitement was too much and I announced, "Okay, I'm going to hold your hand now." This prompted all of the wonderful things we had to say about one another to pour over the brim and eventually back to her place where I had my first (offstage) kiss.

Unforgettable Krispy Kreme Memory Countdown: No. 3

I love Krispy Kreme. And Krispy Kreme loves me. This has been proven so many times that whenever I eat their delicious glazed doughnuts, I can't help but reminisce. The countdown begins:

It was college. I had switched out of acting and was starting my first semester with my new major, where I would explore producing, directing and arts administration. Much to the chagrin of some professors, I had chosen to direct off-campus to assure no restrictions were placed on me or my art. And I was spending a lot money for a college production, hoping to recoup my losses, but more so hoping that charging admission wouldn't detract all of my friends from attending. I had directed before, but at the time I was at the helm a pretty difficult piece. We worked long rehearsals (which gave me a "reputation"), spending as much time as we could in the space with the performers and the designers.

The sound designer and I especially clicked during this process. Perhaps it was that we were sitting in the booth together during run-throughs. Perhaps it was that I gave a stamp of approval to a sound collage of city noise that also included a tiger. Or perhaps it was that we would go out for Krispy Kreme doughnuts a lot. It was right across the street from the theatre and hot glazed are hard to resist. What better way to spend our teeny tiny profit? As we continued to collaborate on theatre pieces and eventually recording music, it became our tradition to celebrate with a dozen glazed, often downing the whole thing in an evening.

Remember, remember the pumpkin-y splendor!

This year’s Pumpkin Challenge brought many new discoveries that will work their way into the regular pumpkin rotation. I learned the wonder of Snap O' Lantern ice cream—pumpkin and gingersnap cookie dough—which I will attempt to duplicate. Drooooool. I actually ate pumpkin pie before Halloween for the first year of the Pumpkin Challenge. My best friend’s addition of pumpkin to chili made for a very colorful flavor. Pumpkin fudge brownies are, unsurprisingly, incredible. My pumpkin macaroni and cheese was revered by one friend as the best macaroni and cheese she had ever had. And for the first time I put my homemade pumpkin ice cream on top of my pumpkin bread pudding with euphoric results.

In short, this fourth year of the Pumpkin Challenge may have yielded the lowest number of pumpkin items consumed yet—a total of 18 this year as compared to last year’s 30—but was not by any means a washout. I’m wondering how other participants fared. Did anyone beat me?

Here’s my list: Snap O' Lantern ice cream*, pumpkin cream cheese muffin, pumpkin scone*, pumpkin pie*, pumpkin doughnut, pumpkin bread pudding, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin chili*, pumpkin bagel poppers*, pumpkin lasagna, pumpkin fudge brownies*, pumpkin biscuit cookies with cinnamon frosting*, pumpkin quiche, pumpkin cream cheese loaf*, pumpkin tarts with cream cheese frosting*, pumpkin and roasted walnut manicotti*, chewy pumpkin and chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin macaroni and cheese*

*Items that were not consumed in previous Pumpkin Challenges.Italicized items were my homemade by yours truly. Need any recipes?
Each year, different people help me on my quest by forwarding recipes, buying me irresistible foods they see while shopping and sharing special meals with me. Thanks to everyone who took on this important and noble role. That being said, this years MVPP (“Most Valuable Pumpkin Provider”) Award goes to my parents who helped me get the pumpkin rolling this year by treating me to tasty treats and canned pumpkin for cooking. Thanks, fam!

Field Report: Albino Asparagus Ice Cream!

This Halloween's spooky tale is from my friend Logan about his trip to Germany. Enjoy!

When it comes to ice cream, there really isn't much to be afraid of unless, of course, we all scream for ice cream to cool the burning acid a mysterious killer dumped on us while we were trying to run away. But even in that case the ice cream is a cool, comforting, life saving substance. I have probably only been frightened by ice cream once, but is because of that that experience that Brad and Marisa have asked me to to supplement their regular blogly offerings with this frightening tale of cold, creamy horror.

It all began in Erlangen, Germany, in the early part of the decade when I was visiting a friend of the family with my German grandmother. That person was Dieter, an Engineer for Siemens corporation. So while I was waxing my mustache and buttoning my leiderhosen, Dieter suggested something that made my monocle pop out, “Would you like to go to the most popular Ice Cream Parlor in Erlangen?” Of course I would like to go to an ice cream parlor. Germany is dotted with many little Italian Ice cream places that are either run by Italians or Turks, but either way they are probably going to have some awesome lemon ice cream.

We arrived at Eishaus Erlangen in time to stand in line while Deiter explained that Eishaus is famous for it's constant rotation of interesting flavors. I learned that Eishaus is run by Germans, but they serve Italian-style ice cream. When we got inside I was terrified by but magnetically drawn to one flavor: Spargle. Spargle means asparagus, but it's not the green asparagus that we are familiar with, it's white asparagus. White, anemic, albino asparagus that has been covered in dirt to prevent any exposure to the sun. I shuddered at the thought. Apparently Germany has so many mad scientists that they are going into the ice cream business. I wanted to take refuge in one of the other, more traditional flavors, like Stracciatella or tempting flavors like Chocolate Struessel, but I knew this was my only chance, so I went for the glory.

The asparagus ice cream turned out to be not nearly as bad as I expected. Imagine cream of asparagus soup but sweet, and not quite as vegetab-ly. The flavor was actually very delicate, I even detected some floral notes. I felt a little like a judge on Iron Chef. So the moral of the story is: If you face your fears, you can gain twenty pounds while vacationing in Germany. Next time I'm going to try their Camembert flavor.

Projectile Pie

My fascination with pumpkins extends beyond gastronomy into aerodynamics. Each year, during the Pumpkin Challenge, I also read up on the popular past time punkin chunkin, or its Anglicized name pumpkin launching. The premise of this sport is to construct a device that flings pumpkins the farthest. Many competitions offer separate categories for slingshots, cannons, trebuchets and catapults.

I first heard of the fine sport of pumpkin launching, or punkin’ chunkin’, from my Uncle John, who was lucky enough to attend the 2005 contest in Marion, Illinois. He remarks, "The contraptions designed by engineers, Cub Scout Troops, drunk guys in garages, and serious pumpkin aeronautical professionals inspired the imagination of the crowd. The biggest cannon shot a pumpkin over 4000 feet! And some of the "sling shots" backfired and nearly bombarded their designers."

What is perhaps most exciting is that several physics classes in the country have embraced the sport, participating in competitions and creating their own. Yesterday, I sojourned to the Illinois Institute of Technology, my granddad's alma mater, and stood in the rain with the science geeks (and what I believe was a high school physics field trip) to witness IIT's 5th annual competition. Most of the 8 machines were trebuchets, but there were a few others including The Robotics Team's machine that utilized springs. While the weather did nothing to deter scientists from the noble pursuit of destroying stuff, sadly it did handicap the competition, particularly the loading of the pumpkin launching devices. At first, things were somewhat anticlimactic with several of the machines simply plopping the pumpkin a foot in front of their respective machines. One professor remarked loudly for the crowd to not worry; the very same students that made the failing machines would soon be graduates making our nation's bridges! Thankfully, one trebuchet did fling a pumpkin 185 feet! All in all, it was a fun time capped with free apple cider.

The sport appears to be celebrated all across the United States. Next year, search for the closest competition near you! Or go straight to the top: The World Championships have been held in Delaware since 1986!

Ice Cream is not punk. (Part 2)

Once again, punks are opposed to having ice cream associated with their image. The Sex Pistols are threatening to sue a London ice cream maker for using the tagline "God Save the Cream."

While in London two weekends ago, I went to Selfridges, temporary home of the Icecreamists. I was drawn in by their contemporary design like a mall punk to hair dye and Chuck Taylor's. But it was all fashion, in the name of selling an old product at an inflated price. (Really, Johnny Rotten could just as easily open up another ridiculous lawsuit by claiming they stole his business model.) My choice: bypass the Icecreamists for the Oddono's in Selfridges food court.

(Thanks to my brother Brian for the link.)

Pumpkin Challenge Off-Season

You may be wondering what I’ve been up to in the off-season. Besides the nibbles Rebecca, last year’s MVPP (Most Valuable Pumpkin Provider), continued to bring me, I also ate a number of pumpkin treats that have never been featured on the annual list of foods consumed during the pumpkin challenge. For example, pumpkin fudge, pumpkin spice trail mix, my mom's delicious pumpkin waffles and even *gasp!* pumpkin pie. (How I went three years of doing this without eating pumpkin pie during the allotted time frame, I have no idea.)

This year has been slow-going, so if you're in the race you could very well beat me this year!

The Fourth Annual Pumpkin Challenge!

My apologies for the lateness of this message, since the official start of the 4th Annual Pumpkin Challenge was September 15th.* If you are hearing of this blessed event for the first time, consider your life changed. Every year, from mid-September through Halloween, my beloved readers are enabled, er, invited to consume as many pumpkin foods as possible. Here are the rules:

• The item consumed must be a food.
• The only beverage allowed is the milkshake.
• Food items may not be doubled. (Two slices of pumpkin cheesecake count as one item. The only way it could count for two different items is if the second item has a distinct enough difference of flavor that it warrants a different name AND the item comes from a different source than the first item.)

This year is your best chance for winning. I may have won every year until now--last year, I set the new record at 30 items--but I have a number of distractions this year that could increase your chances. Or try to be this year's MVPP (Most Valuable Pumpkin Provider) by sending me recipes or, better yet, pumpkin products!

Why have was the Pumpkin Challenge created?
Because pumpkin foods are delicious, yet mostly only offered around Halloween and Thanksgiving. The short-term goal is simple: By starting pumpkin consumption in mid-September, we are increasing demand for pumpkin items earlier than most pumpkin seasons starts. The long-term goal is for pumpkin products year round! Hopefully, like me, you are active in the off-season of the Pumpkin Challenge, too.


*If you feel like whining, you may handicap yourself one pumpkin item if you had not already started. Shamefully, that is all I have eaten so far. Last year, I had around 5 at this point.