Ice cream is not punk.

Mike B. from roundabout our nation’s capitol* brought to my attention the band Fugazi’s DVD Instrument in which the vocalist Ian MacKaye (formerly of Minor Threat) becomes irritated during a show when some fans start a fight. To drive the point that fighting is unwelcome at their shows, he and another band member challenge how tough the fighters are with the following rant:

“I saw you two guys earlier at the Good Humor truck and you were eating your ice cream like little boys and I thought those guys aren’t so tough. They’re eating ice cream. What a buncha swell guys…Oh, you’re bad now, you’re bad now, but you were eating ice cream cone…Ice cream eating motherf*****. That’s what you are.”

Clearly, in the mind of Fugazi, ice cream is neither tough nor punk. Since then, I have been hyper-aware of songs mentioning ice cream and it really gets a bad rap from musicians:

Rivers Cuomo of Weezer concurs that eating ice cream is not the path of rebellious youth in “Troublemaker.” He says, “Movies are bad as eating chocolate ice cream.”

Sarah McLaughlin has the audacity to claim that she holds someone she loves in higher regard than ice cream. I find very hard to believe any person could be superior to ice cream. (Think about it: Ice cream will never hurt you, cheat on you, leave you. Ice cream is always there when you want it. Ice cream doesn’t mind if you’ve had a bad day and don’t feel like talking. Heck, ice cream doesn’t mind if you stab it with a spoon.)

Tori Amos shares this lack of respect. Her song “Spark” references an “ice cream assassin,” which to me suggests that death by ice cream is undesirable. Why not “ice cream euthanizer,” Tori?

Both the Wu Tang Clan and 50 Cent have songs called “Ice Cream,” Master P has one called “Mr. Ice Cream Man,” and much like the crooning and croaking of David Lee Roth and Tom Waits, respectively, I get the feeling they are not talking about ice cream.

Nirvana’s “Sliver” recounts childhood memories of going to grandma’s house and eating ice cream for dinner. Not a bad entrée, grandma! Still, in this dream world, the narrator pleads to be taken home (to his parents’ house). Absolutely nuts if you ask me.

As for Mike B., I do not know his stance on ice cream, but his band Swagger & Skank has much amity for Stewart’s Soda, who happens to make one of favorite sodas, Key Lime.

*Speaking of our nation’s capitol, a very important election is coming up. If you've decided you’re voting for Obama and want to work for the campaign, Travel for Change (an organization separate from Obama’s campaign) is offering to fly interested parties to swing states to help win the vote. If you can’t go, you can donate your frequent flyer miles.


Note from 2012: Later in Chicago, Mike B. became the bass player for my band
.