You're Welcome, President Obama

'Sup Barack-n-Roll,

During your second birthday in the White House, I joined many Americans in sending you birthday wishes. Mine included the suggestion to try Thomas Sweet in Georgetown. I know how busy it must be having a full-time job and raising a family, so I didn't expect my note to be given full attention. Having recently revisited the shop, I was shocked to see pictures of you on their wall shaking hands and posing with the staff. You DID read my note!

At first, I was a tad bothered that I wasn't sent a thank you card for sharing such valuable information, but then I remembered I never sent you a thank you note for taking on the Sisyphean task of working with a Congress so consumed by pleasing their funders that they refuse to do their job. Rather than ignorantly blaming you for having both hands tied behind your back, I would like to be the change I want to see in the world. Here is my offer to serve on your cabinet in a new position I call Secretary of Dessert Consumption. Here is my first report:

Mr. President, some time has passed since my first transmission. By now I have visited each of the most frequently mentioned top ice cream shops in Washington, D.C. I am pleased to report that I did not pull a Rumsfeld, sir. Make no misunderestimations, Thomas Sweet is indeed the best in DC.

My personal favorite is Chocolate Chip Cookie. Unlike another American-invented ice cream flavor which contains cookie dough as a mix-in, this flavor actually tastes like cookie dough, complete with a mouthful of mini-chocolate chips in each bite. But there are many flavors worth exploring. I also highly recommend the Bittersweet Chocolate, which is gelato-like in its explosive dark chocolate flavor, and Chocolate Marshmallow Oreo, which features marshmallows with the same texture as those in the process of melting in a warm cup of hot chocolate.

As the first Secretary of Dessert Consumption, I will continue dutifully serving my country by providing reliable information on the best places for ice cream and more. All of this data will be compiled in this blog, thereby creating total transparency for the public eye and bettering our great country.

BFFs!
Brad



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Update for 2015: While Thomas Sweet is more of a classic ice cream shop in D.C., in recent years another great option is Ice Cream Jubilee in Navy Yard, which offers some tres chic flavors.

Free Rita's Today!

Happy first day of spring from Rita's Italian Ice!

The second openly gay...ice cream?

Breaking news! While I was busy writing my multi-pan review of Ben & Jerry's Class of 2012, they did something worthy of absolute praise! After creating the first openly GLBT ice cream, Hubby Hubby back in 2009, Ben & Jerry's is doing it again with the UK launch of Apple-y Ever After.

Read this article: "Ben & Jerry's, the Vermont proprietor of ice-cream activism, has produced a limited-edition batch of apple pie-flavored pints—called "Apple-y Ever After"—to show its support for same-sex marriage in the U.K., where a gay rights organization has drafted a bill to legalize weddings between same-sex couples...'Sticking up for civil rights by a progressive company like Ben & Jerry's goes together like big chunks and swirls in ice cream,' Sean Greenwood, a spokesman for Ben & Jerry's U.S. operation, wrote."

Ben & Jerry's Class of 2012

Not sure what's gotten into Haagen-Dazs and Ben & Jerry's but they had some serious trouble giving their flavors names this year. The problem isn't that the flavors are lame; the problem is that most of the names have very little to do with what the ice cream actually tastes like. But when dealing with artificial flavors and relying more heavily on corn syrup, really it's all a guessing game. Every flavor could be called Je Ne Sais Quoi.

Chocolate Therapy - I know this flavor has been at Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shops, but I feel like it was also in the grocery store years ago. Regardless, it's back and being labeled as "New." Unfortunately, it has more created a need for therapy than it has been a solution. Imagine buying something labeled juice (let's say Tropicana Trop50) and upon drinking it realizing it is actually flavored water (like Tropicana Trop50). The disappoint is the same with this flavor: there is no denying the color of the ice cream is blackish-brown, but this does not mean the flavor is that of chocolate. To be fair, chocolate ice cream does not taste like chocolate; it tastes like chocolate ice cream. But this ice cream tastes like a half cup of Oreos (which also don't actually taste like chocolate) ground into paste, mixed with cream and a touch of cocoa powder. It's not half bad, but it ain't half good either.

Rocky Road-ish - Similar to Ben & Jerry's Magic Brownies Remix in concept, this flavor takes an existing flavor and turns it on its head. But unlike Magic Brownies, this remix does not improve upon the original. At first bite, the toasted marshmallow ice cream actually tastes toasted and with each bite that flavor becomes more and more artificial until it disappears. After about five bites, the ice cream tasted like cake batter ice cream. The artificial flavor is so heavy, my mouth had that corn syrup after taste. The flavor also touted including a marshmallow swirl, something Ben & Jerry's mastered in Phish Food but failed at here. Hey, but at least there's chocolate covered almonds; sadly they are so tiny and over salted that they taste like peanuts. The carton mentioned nothing about the tiny bits of red goo that I encountered every four bites. Eww.

Chocolate Nougat Crunch - As a singer-songwriter, one of the finest compliments I've received for my music was, "I love it. It is both unique and familiar. I can't think of anything else that is quite like it." The same could be said for this new ice cream flavor. I know I've knocked the mystery of the past two flavors, but I'll admit the mystery of this flavor had me hooked like a red herring. After some thought, the flavor mystery was solved: this tastes like the physical manifestation of what ice cream shops smell like! Cake cones and sweet cream with a hint of roasted coffee and melted chocolate in the air. The chocolate covered wafers--while not "crunchy" as the flavor name would suggest--are a delightful new mix-in and the nougat gives that hint of Charleston Chew nostalgia. My favorite of the new flavors.

In a future post, I will discuss Ben & Jerry's Frozen Greek Yogurt.

Häagen-Dazs Class of 2012

In recent years, Häagen-Dazs has opted to offer an annual selection of "Limited Edition" flavors, treating the introduction of new flavors as a market test. This year they offer four new flavors: the three below and Vanilla Bean Espresso, which interests me about as much as Knucklehair ice cream.

Spiced Caramel Biscuit - When I saw the word "speculoos" on a pint of ice cream, I got so excited I began weeping loudly and tossing dollar bills at the freezer. This behavior was also due to some confusion I felt: I could plainly see the Belgian s-word written in 8-point font on the side of the container, but the flavor was called "caramel biscuit" when speculoos is a cinnamon cookie. After being escorted out of the grocery store, I gave it a try: a buttery ice cream (allegedly caramel-flavored) with enough cookies per bite to have some that were softened, some that were crunchy and some that were crystally in the way only speculoos can be. Despite a misleading name, a truly enjoyable flavor worthy of trying.

Salted Caramel Truffle - The bougie trend of adding salt to caramels is one I've been known to indulge in once or twice, but I swear it was morbid curiosity and not a need for dessert performance enhancements. The word caramel is enough to make me try most anything, regardless of the spice obstacles I must endure. But now the trend has extended beyond the neighborhood scoop shops and into the grocery aisle. This new flavor has an acceptable balance, giving a clear salty & sweet flavor on first taste of the sweet-cream ice cream and caramel swirl, but an overall sweet aftertaste. The major letdown are the "truffles," which taste like the post-holiday discount candy that's still sitting around a week later. (A look at the ingredients list shows that cocoa is the ninth ingredient in the "truffles.")

Coconut Macaroon - Perfect for the Häagen-Dazs brand, this stand-out flavor is simple, delicate, creamy and a new twist in an old favorite. Like a macaroon, the ice cream is both a little oily and a little buttery. The macaroon mix-in is both brittle and chewy. There is both the taste of shredded coconut (the subtle ice cream) and toasted coconut (the mix-in). Easily my favorite of the new flavors.

Instant classic.

This is what my family all agreed after tasting the Friday special from RingO's Donuts: Peach-filled. I am salivating thinking about the fried fabulousness of the glazed delight. I cannot possibly explain how much I enjoy peaches, so I'll let Nicholas Cage do it for me. Sadly, it isn't Friday yet, so I'll have to report on the business instead (based on the evening's research).

With 27 varieties, even if you can't get there on Peach-filled Donut day, you'll have no trouble finding something you'll love, whether tried and true classics or new instant classics waiting to be discovered. My second favorite was the Honey Bun, which I devoured far too quickly to come up with anything clever to say about it. My parents and I also really enjoyed the Key Lime yeast doughnut that looks like a normal doughnut with its hole filled and topped with dollop of delicious key lime cream in the center. There is the Orange Juice cake doughnut, which is a cake doughnut with a distinctive taste of kiwi. [Editor's note: It doesn't taste like kiwi. Obviously, it tastes like joy.] And then, for those who follow the trends of haute cuisine, there is the Squealer, a maple bacon doughnut. Owner/chef, J. Kirk Ring, notes that "In Smithfield [home of world famous cured ham], you have to have something with a pork product."

But that's not the only way, RingO's appeals to local taste. Since opening in March 2009, the business has sold donuts to frequent sell outs, a wonderful success story for such a young business. I'm not sure I could join Ring in getting up at 3:30am six days a week to make donuts, but I would willingly stay up late enough to eat them!

(Thanks to The Daily Press and Eric Gillard for unknowingly contributing to this post by doing all the non-eating research. And thanks to this person who put the Nick Cage scene to music.)

Free Ben & Jerry's: Take the dough out of politics!

Received this email:

"At Ben & Jerry's we're so fond of dough we invented Cookie Dough ice cream! But when it comes to politics, there's no place for "dough". So why are corporations allowed to spend as much money as they want to influence our elections? Join us to take back American democracy with a Constitutional Amendment that will keep corporate money out of our elections.

"To kick off this campaign, what better way to show our support of the people's right to have their voices heard than to give away free ice cream! On February 14th from 5pm - 8pm, visit a participating Scoop Shop to get a free scoop of Americone Dream. It's the flavor's 5th anniversary too!

"Take action at getthedoughout.org!"

Häagen-Dazs it again.

I stumbled across two Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition flavors that were new to my grocery experience. Score. First, there is Spiced Peach Crumble, which is pleasant but, like last year's Blueberry Crumble, could use more of the crumbles and bits of fruit. Second, there is a delightful and creative entry: Cranberry Pumpkin Spice.

As this blog's resident pumpkin expert (not to mention sole contributor), I can report that in numerous years of documented pumpkin consumption this is the first and only item to cross my path that pairs cranberry with pumpkin, a pairing so obvious it eluded us all. At first bite it is clear that Häagen-Dazs is able to handle pumpkin with the same elegance it treats all its flavors. Rich, creamy and full of spice, this is what anyone would look for in a pumpkin ice cream. The second bite bringeth the cranberry swirl and, behold, it was very good. Lighter than Ben & Jerry's delightfully subtle Pumpkin Cheesecake, this flavor offers the same sour zing but with a fruity afterthought.

Thank you, Häagen-Dazs. I shall be experimenting with pumpkin and cranberry pairings for the rest of my life.

I think I’m in love.

Okay, that phrasing was hasty. I am in love.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Thanks to dozens of hours spent on the road living a semi-vagabond life, my participation in the pumpkin challenge was at an all-time low this year. It is difficult to cook new recipes when you don’t have a kitchen. Still, the year was not without discoveries. My favorite invention was the oh-so-yummy turkey, cheese and pumpkin butter toasted bagel sandwich.

Last year I consumed 40 pumpkin items between September 15 and October 31, this year I did not even achieve half that number. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Here’s the list:

pumpkin pie, pumpkin bagel, pumpkin cream cheese schmear, pumpkin waffle, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pancake, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin milkshake, pumpkin pecan roll, pumpkin frozen yogurt, squid ink pumpkin and squash ravioli, Snap-o-lantern ice cream, pumpkin whoopie pie, pumpkin spice gelato, pumpkin pie ice cream, pumpkin butter

How did my competitors fare this year? Have I been dethroned?

Cicada Ice Cream

I’d gladly take things that go bump in the night over things that go chirp in my stomach.

When Sparky’s in Columbia, MO created cicada ice cream it became an instant legend, not just for being the most gastronomically grotesque creation of the year, but also for batting a thousand. Only one batch was made and it sold out in just thirty minutes. The store pulled the flavor before it made a second batch because the health department did not give its endorsement; apparently the most hygienic cicada preparation has not been fully researched.

In all seriousness, more spooky than brown sugar and bug ice cream is that anything “not specifically provided for in the local health code” is understood to be illegal. Bureaucratic red flagging in food regulation is the same battle being fought by Nice Cream in Chicago. I’m certainly no authority on the subject, but I worry for the future of small businesses.

(Thanks to Laurie for the tip.)

Cubism or Zombie?

Picasso believed in two things: ice cream and zombies.

In all seriousness, I once went to an ice cream shop in D.C. (which shall remain nameless) that had a huge mural of Guernica, only each of the characters doomed to die in the horrible bombing were holding ice cream cones. Appalled, I remarked to my brother how completely and utterly tasteless the mural was. Loudly, I might add, which probably explains the pay-and-get-out attitude of the proprietor. Whoops.

Hey, the word "zombie" reminds of something! A creative writing curriculum I wrote for elementary schoolers called "Brains! or, Writing with Zombies" was recently published. Money from the sales go into the programs at 826, free after-school tutoring and creative writing centers in several US cities.


Note from 2012: Read some of the amazing and hilarious zombie stories written by my young students as published in 826CHI Compendium Vol. 3!