America Deserves the TRUTH!***

With Halloween fast approaching, themed candy packages are appearing around the office. It made me realize a growing problem in America. Just as many voters are concerned with candidates spinning things with creative wording, I am concerned with candy spoiling things with creative wording.

“Fun Size?” Who do they think they’re kidding? Give the kids a smaller package of candy—LESS candy—and have the audacity to lie to children by telling them this bag and serving size is somehow more fun? If you believe that, I’ll write a check from the government for every tax-paying citizen and call it “Economic Stimulus.” One candy dish in the office has “Fun Size” Mini-Oreo packages, which unlike the typical Mini-Oreo package size contains exactly 6 mini Oreos. I estimate this is roughly the equivalent of one-and-a-half Oreo cookies. As a voter and Halloween enthusiast, I am appalled.

This Halloween, don’t let candy companies lie to children. Invest in the next generation. Invest in honesty. Buy full size candy bars for the children in your neighborhood.

I’m Brad and I approve this message.


***If you've decided you’re voting for Obama and want to work for the campaign, Travel for Change (an organization separate from Obama’s campaign) is offering to fly interested parties to swing states to help win the vote. If you can’t go, you can donate your frequent flyer miles.
Is every American you know registered to vote? Tell your friends, family, and neighbors to register.

America Can Do Better!***

I recently had dinner with some friends at the home of one of my Sunday School students. Thanks to a conversation about how big or small full-size dogs can be, the student retrieved his copy of the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records. As you might imagine, after laughing at some bizarre statistics, I flipped to the index to see what might await me under the topic of “ice cream.” And, America, I learned that Michael Phelps is not enough to make me proud of American competitive achievements. We are not performing in a way befitting of our country in some of the world’s most important competitions.

Highest average ice cream consumption per person in a year:
Australia - 35 pints/person (or 4.4 gallons)
To be honest, this does not sound like very much to me when one considers that most ice cream that isn’t superpremium comes in a half-gallon size. This means the record for ice cream consumption per person in a year is only nine half-gallon cartons over the course of the year. This statistic should bring every country to shame, not just ours. (I’m looking at you, Luxembourg!)

Highest average chocolate consumption per person in a year: 
Switzerland – 25 lb. 6 oz. (equal to 230 bars weighing 1.75 oz per year)
This statistic is quite high. Impressive, yes, but unachievable? No. We should see this as a goal, not a threat.

Most ice cream flavors displayed at once:
UPA Gelatieri Padova (Italy) – displayed 521 flavors of ice cream together


***I like to joke on my blog, but in all seriousness, a very important election is coming up. Take a moment to ask yourself: "Is everyone I know in America registered to vote?" If you are at all unsure, please tell your friends, family, and neighbors to register. The registration deadlines are fast approaching!

If you decided you’re voting for Obama and want to work for the campaign, Travel for Change (an organization separate from Obama’s campaign) is offering to fly interested parties to swing states to help win the vote. If you can’t go, you can donate your frequent flyer miles.

Take the Third Annual Pumpkin Challenge!

For the third year in a row, I will attempt to consume as many varieties of pumpkin edibles I can in the month and half preceding Halloween. Last year I ate 25 varieties of pumpkin-named food, beating 2006’s total by five!

The rules are the same as last year:

• The item consumed must be a food. (Inhaling a pumpkin candle scent does not count.)
• The only beverage allowed is the milkshake.
• Food items cannot be doubled. (Two slices of pumpkin cheesecake count as one item. The only way it could count for two different items is if the second item has a distinct enough difference of flavor that it warrants a different name AND the item comes from a different source than the first item.)

The Pumpkin Challenge was invented to promote pumpkin in hopes of it being recognized in all seasons as a superior food.

To Cone or Not To Cone?

It’s functional. It’s economical. It’s American. But as much as I appreciate the smell of fresh waffle cones, I prefer to eat my ice cream from a dish. How odd, since I grew up near Doumar’s

Waffle, cake, cookie, sugar—cones come in many forms. Okay, maybe just four forms. To me the taste takes away from the main event, the ice cream the cone contains. Yet, it is a tradition so revered the cone taste is considered by some to be a vital part of the ice cream experience, not just a nostalgic scoop shop delight. Some companies now make flavors with cone pieces mixed in to the ice cream, such as Stephen Colbert’s Ameri-cone Dream (Ben & Jerry’s) and Caramel Cone Crunch (Häagen-Dazs).

The one occasion I have consistently sought out a cone was the summer after my freshman year college when I interned at a theatre in Chicago. One of my favorite stops was Windy City Sweets on Broadway. They had a flavor, Rainforest Crunch, which had chocolate-covered cashews! But what made this experience all the better was a dark-chocolate dipped waffle cone. Mmm…

The only other time I consider coning is when I order soft serve ice cream, in which case the only acceptable cone for this cheap excuse for ice cream is the cake cone, the cheapest quality of cone (AKA the one you get at McDonald’s).

What’s your opinion: To cone or not to cone?

P.S. Cone politics aside, I still heartily recommend Doumar’s in Norfolk, VA, one of the contenders claiming to have first developed the ice cream cone. (There is no hard and fast evidence to confirm anyone as the first.) Stop in for limeade, minced North Carolina-style barbecue and one of their ice cream concoctions if you’re in the ‘hood! You can also see the “original” waffle cone machine.

The Candy Dilemma

One of the biggest disappointments in my long, looong history of buying ice cream came the day I saw someone had finally created a chocolate covered pretzel ice cream! Be still my beating heart!

…And my heart did indeed go still when I cracked the lid to discover they actually meant vanilla ice cream-covered chocolate-covered pretzels.

Chocolate is a bold flavor, often dominant, but a thin layer around a sparse and scattered mix-in does not give me the fix I need. If God meant for candy to taste like vanilla instead of chocolate, the Mayans, who are historical for the for no reason other than their reverence of chocolate, would have been wiped off the face of the earth. Hmm…bad example.

It seems simple to me. Butterfingers are covered in chocolate. Baby Ruth is covered in chocolate. Reece’s Cups are covered in chocolate. So why are candy-centric ice creams vanilla-based? It leaves us chocophiles unsatisfied and frustrated. However, those of us who frequent distributors of soft serve ice cream creations, like Dairy Queen, can rise up! Order your next Butterfinger Blizzard with chocolate ice cream and taste the new thought model, my friends. Take it to the streets!

UPDATE: Canada got it right, so why not the US?

Field Report: Christina’s Ice Cream

My co-worker Rebecca recently sojourned to the Boston area and happened upon newsworthy ice cream! I, too have been ice creaming in this part of the country. While in Boston I ate at J.P. Lick’s which features a wide variety of flavors. I sampled the accurately named cucumber and Disco Inferno (sweet cream with a hint of Tabasco). I purchased chocolate chip cheesecake and strawberry-rhubarb. Mmm, rhubarb. But enough about my silly life! Here’s the scoop on Rebecca’s findings:

Christina’s Ice Cream in Cambridge, MA has the single largest selection of flavors I’ve ever seen in an ice cream shop, and I’ve been to a lot of ice cream shops. After much deliberation, I narrowed it down to adzuki bean and carrot cake. I tasted both, and while the adzuki was good, it didn’t have the enough of the red bean flavor that I love in those steamed sweet rice Chinese nibbles wrapped in banana leaves that I don’t know the name of. So I opted for the carrot cake with a side of walnuts, and went with the economically sensible pint size. It is more than twice the size of an individual serving but only costs a little bit more, so the ice cream lasted me my whole weekend in Boston. The flecks of carrot in the ice cream went very well with the walnuts, but my one issue with it was the raisins. Because they were mixed into the ice cream, and not provided as an optional topping, the raisins were like hard little pebbles that you had to let sit in your mouth to soften before you could chew them. I would have preferred a side of plump golden raisins to sprinkle on top…but I enjoyed it nevertheless.

Sarah, the resident Cambridgian, got a pint of her favorite flavor, burnt sugar. It was yummy but a bit sweet for me—it really did taste like someone just took a kitchen torch to a pile of table sugar. Patty split her pint between mint chocolate chip and blackberry, which was notable for just how fresh and sorbet-y it was, despite the fact it was a full-fat ice cream. Carly’s pistachio, with chunks of pistachios and a light sage-green color, was the perfect summer flavor (even though our summer weather was thunderstorms).

If you’re ever in Cambridge, I recommend a trip to Christina’s in Inman Square! Their website has a full list of flavors, including the puzzlingly named Nietzsche’s Chocolate Ascension and why-would-you-come-up-with-such-a-combination Wild Turkey & Walnut.


Note from 2012: I had opportunity to visit Christina's and, yes, it is good! In my humble opinion, Toscanini's is better, but try both and decide for yourself.

Nyce Ice in NYC

When I travel, I research ahead on the best local ice cream. I then print out a short list to consider more closely when I know where I will be staying and exploring. In New York City, if you crosscheck a few different lists to find the “Best Ice Cream,” you will find these names on all or most of those lists:

Who wouldn't be curious about Chinatown Ice Cream Factory's wide selection of flavors? Amongst all the exotic fruit flavors—including lychee!!!—I was surprisingly most impressed by their almond cookie ice cream. They also have wasabi ice cream some days, though sadly not the day I visited. Admit it: You want to go to Chinatown, but have no idea why. This will give you a destination to spend your money so you don’t blow all your cash on bootleg DVDs.

Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory may only have a couple flavors, but they remind you why plain vanilla and chocolate are still the best selling ice creams. When made right, you don’t need anything else…but I still chose double chocolate chip because who doesn’t like more chocolate? This is the one thing I would recommend this little two hour excursion to anyone going to New York City: ride the subway over to Brooklyn, walk to Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory and relax taking in the beautiful panoramic view of the lower Manhattan skyline while eating delicious ice cream, and then get your exercise by walking across the neighboring Brooklyn Bridge. (Top 20 to Visit)

My brother’s review, “New York, New York”:
“I had read that the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory can also have hour-long waits, but I was only in line for about 15 minutes. You could see the Statue of Liberty in the distance from their steps. I think they only had seven flavors of ice cream. I decided to get Vanilla Chocolate Chunk and Chocolate Chocolate Chunk in a bowl. My brother was right - as soon as I took my first bite of the Chocolate Chocolate Chunk, I knew it was some of the best ice cream I've ever tasted. This wasn't your average grocery store chocolate ice cream - this was high quality stuff! …The Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory gets a big seal of approval from me!”

Ice Cream Etiquette

Some people liked to josh with me, making threats to break into my freezer and steal my ice cream. But I do not react or become defensive. My mantra, to reinterpret what many sages have said, is “If a man tries to steal your ice cream, give him your spoon.”

Not only do I open my freezer to all, I have my guests serve themselves so they may give themselves the amount they truly crave. I have too often been offered dessert and been rationed the equivalent of four bites. I am not ungrateful; I just feel it is rude to be an “Indian giver” of joy (or “Native American giver”). My approach also practices waste-prevention: a big portion will never be served to a guest who only wants a little.

Some more items of etiquette:

• Do not scoop from a carton haphazardly. To reduce ice crystal build-up, scoop in the way that exposes the least amount of new surface area.
• You may share my spoon, but do not lick my cone. Don’t ask me why, but I think it’s gross.
• Put that thing back where it belongs. If you host an ice cream-oriented gathering, please serve everyone and return any unfinished cartons to the freezer BEFORE consuming, not after. If you leave the ice cream out too long, the ice cream touching the edges of the carton—which defrosts the fastest—will melt and then have icy refreeze syndrome which causes trauma to future users.

I am a savage.

I have noted on more than one occasion that a particular flavor was enhanced by letting the carton sit out for a little bit. It seems this is actually true of all ice cream. According to Wikipedia, allowing a little post-freezer defrost time results in more of the flavor being unlocked for the 3,000 taste buds of the tongue. Why does this make me a savage? Read on.

For years I have failed to comprehend people’s obsession with Cold Stone. Without getting too heated on the subject, I will say that my complaint has always been that they give you melty ice cream. Who knew this character trait is actually a ringing endorsement? But I am a humble man. I will admit now, despite my otherwise elite taste in frozen desserts, that I have been incorrect about rejecting melty ice cream. I still maintain my preference for other parlors, though, and will not be going to Cold Stone anytime soon. …If I ever want soup, however, I know where to go. (Zing!)

I am a savage in one other way, too:

• Unlike some connoisseurs, I do not eat my ice cream with an overturned spoon. Eating that way has always proved awkward for me—perhaps a bit too intimate. 
• Though it is less desirable amongst most of the elite, I actually enjoy the chill of a metal spoon. 

So, dear, forgiving reader, I hope you do not feel lead astray by your unrefined host. I am just a man. A humble man. An extremely humble man with a superior knowledge of ice cream to you. So back off.

Strike 2 tastes much better than Strike 1.

Hopefully everyone celebrated Cheesecake Day yesterday.
It has been a busy month! Ice Cream Day was a mere week and a half ago. I celebrated with my second attempt at making Chocolate Cheesecake ice cream. The first time, the churner of my electric ice cream maker couldn’t handle the density of the mixture; it failed to churn the mixture a mere minute after the liquid mixture was poured in. A good 10 to 20 minutes of churning are needed to get enough air in any mixture for it to be classified as ice cream (and more than the less recognizable food product known as “goop”).

I had to apologize to my guests, informing them that there would be no homemade ice cream that evening, but that they were welcome to any or all of the six to eight varieties readily available in my freezer. And then I had an idea, a delicious idea...

While the recipe I invented did not yield ice cream, it did yield what we dubbed chocolate cheesecake mousse. We decided it could also make a pretty good non-bake cheesecake.

Note from 2012: Chocolate Cheesecake ice cream was something I'd eaten as an incredible Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs flavor.

I love my mom.

My mom called me yesterday afternoon for no other reason than to tell me this important information: On July 30, Cheesecake Factory will be selling slices of their cheesecake (in any flavor) for a mere $1.50! It says limit one slice per customer and that it is for dine in guests only. Lucky for me, I work but one block away. I will also bring a fake mustache and an assortment of hats.

I rarely eat at chain restaurants, but Cheesecake Factory is an exception. Their food is wonderful and comes in huge portions (enough for a certain tall and lanky fella), their menu options are endless and, of course, their dessert is superb. Other than Eli's Cheesecake World in Chicago, I have run into no other institution that serves up more than a few styles of cheesecake at a time.

Cheesecake Factory offers at least thirty varieties, with usually two to three new flavors they are testing. As you can probably imagine, I have tried nearly all of them (excluding those with coffee, banana or alcohol flavors). My favorites are, in order:

• Pumpkin Pecan Cheesecake (tragically seasonal)
• Chocolate Pistachio Cheesecake (New!)
• Dutch Apple Caramel Steusel Cheesecake
• Craig's Crazy Carrot Cake Cheesecake
• Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake (which truly is better than your average chocolate cheesecake)

I have tried some of their non-cheesecake desserts as well. They are also worth the trip. See you on July 30!

My gift is my spoon...

Brad 
(singing obnoxiously from cubicle)
“Is there life on Maaaa-aaa-aaars? Maaa-ah-ah-ah-arrrrrs!"

Co-Worker
Brad, that isn’t how “Life on Mars” goes.

Brad
 It isn’t?

Co-Worker 
No. The words are right, but that’s the tune of Elton John’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

- - -

I think it’s an easy mistake to make. The songs are not so dissimilar. But it seems now Elton John has the upper hand among gay, British musicians who have sung songs with Muppets. Ben and Jerry’s has honored Reginald “Elton John” Dwight with an ice cream flavor, “Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road,” in honor of his upcoming first concert in Vermont. Available only in Vermont, the limited edition flavor is "an outrageous symphony of decadent chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, butter brickle and white chocolate chunks."

I mentioned earlier the return of The Dave Matthews Band’s flavor: Magic Brownie’s Remix Edition. If Elton John’s flavor is successful and returns after its limited edition release, they’ll have to call it “The Bitch is Back Edition.”


Note from 2012: This flavor was later offered in grocery store pints for a limited time.