Friday, September 17, 2010

Field Report: R&B Never Tasted So Good

Former Chicago resident, Rachel, explains her celebrity ice cream encounter:

I was getting home from a late night shift one warm night a few years back and as I'm walking, I see an ad for Edy's ice cream—buy one get one free—in the CVS window. I was immediately sold: partaking in 2 half gallons of ice cream when I get home could possibly be the best idea ever.

Fast forward to my waiting in line with a bunch of tired people, all of us ready for bed, a half gallon of moose tracks in one hand and a half gallon of vanilla bean in the other, and who walks into CVS, but R. Kelly himself. (During this time, he was going through his trial in Chicago regarding his extracurricular activities.) The body guards that surrounded him and the rest of his entourage all scattered into the various aisles as if they're on a mission. Apparently their mission was to get R. Kelly drunk, because they all start heading up to the front of the store with bottles of Jack Daniels, cases of beer, and I'm pretty sure I saw some tequila and margarita mix thrown in there as well.

R. Kelly, still standing up at the front of the store, announces "Hey y'all, I am getting #%!@ up tonight, and whatever you want, it's on me. Guys, you want condoms? You get condoms. Ladies, whatever you want, I'm buying."

All of us already in line are suddenly wondering if we should be running around, adding more to our carts, but, not sure if this is really happening. I ask the nearest bodyguard "Is he serious?" "Oh yes, ma'am, he's very serious." Some people jump out of line, but really I was perfectly happy just getting my ice cream.

In the confusion the line got readjusted, but all of a sudden, R. Kelly spots me and says "Hey, hey. Let vanilla through. Let her get her ice cream." So they let me up to the front. (I'm not sure if "vanilla" is a special term of endearment for this pale, white girl look I've been rocking for years or if he just happened to see what he was about to buy me, but I realize this might be the only chance in my life to talk to him. Wanting to thank him and let him know that under his circumstances I'd be looking to get #%!@ up as well, all I can come up with is "Thank you very much, Mr. Kelly."

"You're welcome, baby."

"You enjoy getting #%!@ up tonight."

"You know I will."

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