Bobtail Year 3: Introduction

Welcome to my third Bobtail Year! Because Chris over at Bobtail, has been such a fan of my posts during years one, and two, I will continue receiving two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month. As before, I will review my favorites. Man, I could get used to this whole sponsorship thing.

Bobtail Year 3 Rundown

June - Raspberry Cheesecake

July - ?

August - ?

September - ?

October - ?

November - ?

December - ?

January - ?

February - ?

March - ?

April - ?

May - ?

Bobtail Year 2 in Review

How do you measure...measure a year?
- Jonathan Larson (RIP)

• • • 

While the characters of Rent choose to find value in the passage of time by the love they give and receive throughout a year, I've found it far more reliable to measure it based on ice cream consumption. Last month marked the end of Bobtail Year 2, during which I received two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail. After twenty-four pints, it's fun to acknowledge some stand-outs and crown some winners. But, first, a little review:

I first received this bi-monthly ice cream allowance two years ago as a donor benefit for giving to Oracle Theatre, After a year of eating and blogging, Chris at Bobtail gifted me with another pint punch card, thereby legitimizing my blogging bent that has now gone on for nearly a decade. While I'm grateful to receive such sponsorship, nothing has changed: I blog about ice cream I like* and try to put a spin on it when I can.

Bobtail Year 2 was crunchy, nutty, dreamy, spice-y and occasionally crepe-y. It had spooky moments where we ate friendly snowmen and even fingers. It had appearances by the drizzly cousins, butterscotch and caramel. And it included a reunion with an old friend.

Year 2 was even tastier than Year 1, so much so I will highlight the best three. Topping the list is Butterscotch Peanut Brittle. It defied the expectation of what peanut and ice cream do when combined, tasting like peanuts instead of peanut butter. Number two is Olaf, the cream cheese, carrot and walnut ice cream that I liked so much I couldn't let it go. And number three of the year was Butterscotch Chip Cookie Dough, which still has my teeth tingling with delight. Here's hoping some of my favorites from the past two years make it into regular rotation.


*Because, really, who cares if I eat ice cream that I don't like? I don't want to read about that, much less write it.

Bobtail Year: Butterscotch Chip Cookie Dough

May was the final month of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

 
"Butterscotch, huh? Been a while." This was my reaction and everyone else's when I mentioned Bobtail's latest, Butterscotch Cookie Dough. (The previous month's flavor boasted butterscotch in the name, but hadn't really had much of the taste.)

Absence hath made my heart grow fonder. And good thing, too, since there's enough here to o.d. on the stuff.

There are more tiny butterscotch chips than any mix-in I've ever encountered at Bobtail. When I took the lid off my pint I'm sure there were dozens looking back at me just on the top layer, even amongst the couple chunks of chocolate chip cookie dough and pecans. Hunks of crunch, I tells ya. And it's sweet, enough to give a little tingle to your teeth.

I was sad to see this pint end. Another hit for Bobtail!

Bobtail Year 2: Butterscotch Peanut Brittle

April is month eleven of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

Peanut brittle is better than any form of peanut butter. The lingering nutty legume-y flavor and the crunch of whole peanuts far exceeds that of crunchy peanut butter. These qualities are good enough on their own, but enrobe those peanuts in a sugary, caramel-colored, hard to bite, sticky to chew brittle and you have a time-tested dessert that surpasses other salty-sweet trend desserts.

What a fine place to find inspiration for an ice cream flavor. If the goal was to achieve all of the adjectives I've used in the previous paragraph, the ice cream makers at Bobtail can sleep easy tonight for a job well done. From first bite, I started feeling premature sadness for the day this flavor was no longer in my freezer. Rationing it out will be an exercise in discipline.

Saying this is no small compliment. I come from the land of peanuts. Indeed, if I were allowed a final meal from a single place, I would want mine to come from Virginia Diner, ending it with a slice of their warm peanut pie with ice cream on the side. This ice cream flavor captures that moment...without the grim "final meal, about to die" thing.

Bobtail Year 2: A Dream of Spring

Not pictured: cursing commuters.

March is month ten of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

Ah, spring. The season when Chicagoans cycle back to the beginning of the five stages of grief: denial. Usually there's a week or two of nice weather that arrives very suddenly. It starts with the sheets of ice on the sidewalks melting away into frosty puddles. Then the mounds of snow start to decrease in size, dwindling down to the permafrost layer that, by this point is several months old. Then the period known as "autumn's shame" begins, when the last bit of snow melts away, exposing all the garbage and dog poop that were left waiting beneath. And for a brief moment, all evidence points to the end of the bitter winter. Heh heh.

Witnessing this spectacle of climatory cruelty are millions of people breathing a little easier, smiling considerably more and joking about the aforementioned dog poop. To them, any full day in the thirties feels like a blessing of Biblical proportions. Once it hits 40 degrees, heavy jackets give way to light sweaters and there's some dude walking around in shorts. Optimistic individuals remark about how nice the weather is, while pessimists/Floridians say it is still cold and realists feel Cassandra-like inclinations to warn that the worst is yet to come. But first it gets better, jumping into the 50s--this year we actually entered the 70s for a day. There's a collective sigh in the city as everyone starts to think, "Maybe this is it. Maybe spring has actually arrived with the equinox."

Then we receive the biggest snow in seven weeks.

If I weren't a brick wall deflecting all emotion, this might just break me. Just in case, what were those stages Kübler-Ross says I should expect next?

It is this hope of a brighter (and warmer) day that we must consider when pondering a spoonful of Bobtail's latest flavor, A Dream of Spring, lemon ice cream with graham crackers and mixed berries. One small bite and we taste a refreshing hint of sunny citrus. The way the graham cracker dust soaks into the lemon ice cream adds a nostalgic feel that summer always evokes for those foolish enough to live this far north. And the frozen, whole berries waiting within are the perfect ice cubes for my daydream lemonade. A dream of spring, indeed. When I closed my eyes and took a bite, I almost believed it was safe to go outdoors.

Bobtail Year 2: Salted Caramel Pretzel

February was month nine of Bobtail Year 2, during which I received two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

Pretzels are among the finest savory foods to crossover to sweet. (Bad news: They often go soft in ice cream. Good news: The solution is covering them in chocolate before mixing them in.) Most manufacturers name their flavor chocolate covered pretzel, then foolishly choose a vanilla base instead of chocolate; a more accurate name would be vanilla-covered-chocolate-covered pretzel. In Bobtail's infinite wisdom, they have chosen a different direction, focusing on the caramel-dipped pretzel as inspiration.

The assumption around a flavor called Salted Caramel Pretzel would be that the ice cream base would be caramel-flavored. I was surprised when it wasn't, but again in their infinite wisdom, Bobtail went a different direction. It is a sweet cream ice cream with lots of runny caramel drizzled throughout. If a person were looking for the perfect ratio of caramel, this would be the example to go by. Every bite has some caramel in it, but not enough to change from the subtle sweet cream base to caramel. And the salt in the caramel is light, not overpowering. So before we've even gotten to the pretzels, this flavor is a success!

I wish there had been more pretzels mixed-in, but that's hardly a criticism anymore since I've said that about every pretzel ice cream I've ever eaten. But the pretzels that are there maintain their crunch(!) and the chocolate coating is tasty. Tasting the pretzel mix-in with the runny caramel in the sweet cream base is rapturous, which is to say something so good it turns you into an insatiable raptor.

Another fine month for Bobtail ice cream.

Bobtail Year 2: Cinnamon

December was month seven of Bobtail Year 2, during which I received two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

This month's flavor was Cinnamon. It tastes like Christmas at home and, predictably, is quite good. It also helped inspire the satirical, dessert-free blog below.

• • •

The elf on the shelf is a bunch of nonsense. Kids already get presents under the tree, junk in their stockings, daily trinkets or edibles from their advent calendars and now they have Santa's least stealthy spy watching them more closely than the NSA monitors Scott Stapp's weapons and air fare purchases online. All this consumerist culture brings to mind my first acting role in Ms. Husson's fifth grade winter program in 1994, a bizarre piece about materialism with such songs as "Yankee Doodle Santa" and "Make a Buck." ("Make a buck, make a buck! Spend! Spend! Make a buck, make a buck! Buy, buy, buy, buy!" Stop me in the street and I'll sing this on command.) It could make a person nauseous...or it could get them into the Chri$tma$ $pirit!

I've been thinking: being a feminist, I believe we need a female role model in the Christmas crap-hawking canon. A Disney princess who's also a strong woman. Someone who's good with a bow and arrow, but also isn't afraid to throw down on Master Chef to beat Mrs. Claus. Someone little girls can look up to, but whose outfit can be easily adapted into something skimpy for sexually empowered women doing holiday bar crawls. Finally, there needs to be Christmas magic because WWJD. I present to you Cindy the Cinnamon Witch of the North Pole!

A red hot win for festive fetishism feminism.

This red-haired firecracker waves her Cinnamon Stick Wand™ to transport her to third world countries to help relief efforts for the underprivileged...or to be the sassy and fashionable MC/DJ of the hippest holiday ho-ho-hoopla! Her presence is immediately known because Cindy the Cinnamon Witch™ smells like a snickerdoodle dipped in apple cider wherever she goes, appearing and disappearing in a puff of cinnamon smoke! While usually a crossbow-carrying conductor of cheer--in addition to magic, her Cinnamon Stick Wand™ is good for directing an orchestra in "Ode to Joy"--Cindy is also feisty, punishing bad kids with the cinnamon challenge...and posting video footage on YouTube! Fighting for equality all day and partying all night, it's a wonder when that celestial celebrity Cindy ever has time to go back to the North Pole to do her hair! Cindy the Cinnamon Witch of the North Pole™ will be a spicy addition to your religious and/or secular winter holiday traditions!

Bobtail Year 2: Butterfinger

L: Butter. R: Fingers. (Not pictured: Missing fingers.)

November was month six of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

I’m no gastro-scientist, but my understanding is that anything cooked slow and low for long enough will break down into mush. Apparently, some time between Dia de los Muertos and Thanksgiving, Bobtail decided to test this out with severed digits.

You may be worried that their new flavor, Butterfinger, is a scarlet red bloody mess, but defying expectation they created a bright, white ice cream. Now, I have no personal experience cooking or eating human flesh—Thanks, Obama!—but, even if the fingers are merely a mix-in, it is pretty dang impressive that there isn’t even the slightest pink tint to the base! How might they have accomplished such a feat?

My guess is their first step was draining the blood from the fingers. Then I think they mixed in some confectionary sugar into the blood and cooked it into a syrup. The result is a soft brown solid that is kind of waxy, but sweet. I believe the next step was cooking down the remaining skin and bones into a brownish-orange crunchy mass. Given how sweet and sticky it is, I’m thinking they used brown sugar and corn syrup to produce such a delicious product, perhaps even a touch of smooth peanut butter. Thankfully, there are no cuticles to be found; I’m willing to eat another person’s pinky, but I have my limits.

We could guess at Bobtails’ recipe for cooking fingers all day, but while these facts are veiled in mystery we at least know one other major ingredient: butter. You don’t have to be Paula Deen to realize that many foods are better smothered in the stuff. Personally, I like my carrots that way with a little brown sugar, so why not fingers? Suffice to say, this flavor's base is more buttery than your average Bobtail flavor with toothsome results.

Suppose you want to test your luck at making Butterfinger ice cream in your home kitchen? You'll be happy to learn that butter is for sale at grocers across the country. As for the fingers, your best bet is probably Mariano's. I mean, they sell python meat* so anything's possible.

*scroll to #7

Bobtail Year 2: Spooky Crunch

October was the fifth month of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

Obviously, I enjoy Bobtail's ice cream, but I have to admit their annual pumpkin flavor isn't pumpkin-y enough for me. I taste all of the pumpkin spices, but not enough of the gourd. I decided to give it another try when I learned roundabout Halloween that their featured flavor, Spooky Crunch, was pumpkin ice cream with caramel, cookie dough and sprinkles.

A few bites in I knew I enjoyed what I was eating even though it didn't taste at all like it's given ingredients. For the base, I tasted cream and cinnamon, topped with more cinnamon. As for the mix-ins, the cookie dough was inspired, the sprinkles added a rough texture and the caramel was probably there. But if I silenced my expectations I noticed the flavor tasted suspiciously (spookily, even) similar to Ben & Jerry's twice discontinued cult-favorite, Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. It wasn't a dead ringer, but enough to make me realize that Spooky Crunch only needs a few slight adjustments to be a new favorite. Simply switch out the sprinkles for teeny-tiny chocolate chips (not Bobtail's somewhat overused chocolate flakes), add a little more cookie dough, let up a little on the cinnamon and drop the other pumpkin spices.

I'm not suggesting Bobtail mimic Ben & Jerry's, but rather that they cash in on an opportunity to improve a one-off Halloween-inspired flavor while also making it into a unique year-round flavor inspired by a classic dessert. Seriously, Bobtail, do it! The loud voice of geek populism demands it! TV: Firefly :: Ice Cream : Oatmeal Cookie Chunk.

Bobtail Year 2: Salted Caramel Pecan

September was the fourth month of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

The best two salted caramel flavors I've had were Morelli's in Atlanta and Steve's, based in Brooklyn but available in many grocery stores. For the most part, salted caramel in general is a trend I don't understand. In my eyes, chocolate-covered pretzels are the perfect representation of the salty/sweet combination. Caramel, on the other hand, is an art few have mastered in its nascent form; and with good caramel being a delicacy that is rarely found, it seems presumptuous that chefs dive into altering it. And why add salt at all unless the purpose is to create a new flavor that seems more than the sum of its parts (as with Morelli's)? With these scatter shot observations, I knew Bobtail would have a tough time convincing me with their regularly-available flavor Salted Caramel Pecan.

But it's so good.

The salt is barely detectable, light enough to make the cream base taste like Butter Pecan. The caramel adds a hint of sweetness to cut through the buttery tasting base. Pecans make pretty much anything better and there are tons of them! In short, Bobtail's Salted Caramel Pecan is Butter Pecan with caramel. The flavor is good enough as is, but if they felt like experimenting they'd only need to trade in honey roasted pecans to make it Pecan Praline ice cream. I'll have a scoop of each please.

Bobtail Year 2: Apple Crêpe

 

August was the third month of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

Apple Crêpe ice cream is apples in a cream cheese ice cream. Sounds like apple cheesecake, right? That’s what I thought, but the flavor isn’t as heavy. But with no pastry mixed in, can it actually be described as being crêpe-flavored?

The answer is yes and no. The flavor suggests many of the things crêpes also suggest. For example, crêpes are light, yet dense; when eating crêpes at home, it is easy to eat a large quantity, only to realize later that they were not as light as they seemed. Also, crepes have a touch of sour that highlights the dominant flavors; in crepes the sourness comes from lemon, while in this ice cream it comes from the cream cheese base.

But it is hard to make apples work in an ice cream flavor. Apple-flavored ice cream bases often taste both artificial and gross. And apples as mix-ins seem texturally strange, being neither crunchy (like a fresh apple), nor firm and chewy (liked baked or fried apples). The mix-ins in this flavor are icy and frozen, yet soft enough to bite through. (This could possibly be the result of Bobtail choosing the natural route with their flavors.) I’m happy to say that this typically undesirable texture, somehow works in the nuanced ice cream base.

Though named “crêpe,” the base reminds me of the vanilla sauce that was served with the apple strudel I ate in Berlin. The sauce, a staple in Germany, is lighter than custard, but not airy like whipped cream. It is rich, yet subtle. Similarly, the cream cheese ice cream that enrobes the frozen apples is both dense and light. It offers a touch of sweetness that is enough on its own, complementing the tartness of the apples. All in all, delicious.

Bobtail Year 2: Strawberry Goat Cheese

 

July was the second month of Bobtail Year 2, during which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

• • •

Facebook may have rendered high school reunions obsolete, but certain reunions never go out of style, like when my best friend visited this summer or when I noticed an old friend in the Bobtail freezer. Bobtail's Strawberry Goat Cheese is what put the shop on the map for me, paving the way for numerous other discoveries in their ever-rotating line of new (and often customer-suggested) flavors. Bobtail offers different varieties of Strawberry, including the Chocolate Covered Strawberry I sampled during my first Bobtail Year, but none are as great as this.

Strawberry Goat Cheese is a delicate flavor, balancing tart and sweet into a flavor all its own. It is light, but full-bodied. It is bold, yet sensitive. It is basically your dream boyfriend/girlfriend. If you see this flavor at Bobtail, put a ring on it.

Bobtail Year 2: Olaf

Does my Olaf drawing look bad? ...You hesitated.

June was the first month of Bobtail Year 2, in which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

If you haven't seen Frozen yet, I wouldn't recommend reading this entry. No spoilers or anything, but you won't get the jokes. I would recommend instead that you stop what you're doing and watch the film. But before you do that please tell me how you get internet service while living under a rock?

• • •

I found out what frozen things do in the summer. He was a snowman named Olaf and I just ate him.

I realize that must make me seem as wicked as Adele Dazeem.

I almost felt guilty, but I let it go.

(I could keep going...and I will.)

Like a snowman in a blender.

Having confessed to this act of carnage, you might think me a button-nosed dessert blogger with a heart made out of coal. But I was not the only one whose enthusiasm for Disney's Frozen has turned to acts of hysteria. People were lining up to eat him because Olaf is the name of Bobtail's latest customer-suggested creation. Inspired by the film's carrot-schnozzed snowman--unofficially inspired, Disney lawyers--Olaf ice cream has a white cream cheese base with generous hunks of carrot cake and walnuts. And, true to form, it contains no bones.

One read of the flavor description and I thought Olaf might like a warm hug...from my mouth. While I have but a mild amity for carrot cake, I am jumping-out-of-my-clogs ecstatic at the mention of carrot cake ice cream. The cream cheese base was lighter than one expects and the carrot cake and walnuts did a lot more than provide texture, adding much to the flavor. Suffice to say I had far less restraint than Sven the reindeer. (Reindeers are better than people, after all.) A flavor this good should be celebrated near and far, from Chicago to Weaseltown. And I think Olaf, who made the greatest sacrifice for this flavor to exist, would agree that it is a flavor worth melting for.

If you have the chance to try this flavor from Bobtail, it is an opportunity to knock at...assuming you know how to knock.

Bobtail Year 2: Introduction

Welcome to my second Bobtail Year! Thanks again to Chris over at Bobtail, who was a fan of my posts during year one, I will continue receiving two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month and reviewing my favorites. We're sponsored, baby.

Bobtail Year 2 Rundown

June - Olaf

July - Strawberry Goat Cheese

August - Apple Crêpe 

September - Salted Caramel Pecan

October - Spooky Crunch

November - Butterfinger

December - Cinnamon

January - (Bye Month)

February - Salted Caramel Pretzel

March - A Dream of Spring

April - Butterscotch Peanut Brittle

May - Butterscotch Chip Cookie Dough

Update from 2015: Be sure to read the end-of-the-year recap.

Bobtail Year-in-Review

24 pints, 12 months, 1 man to eat them all.

My Bobtail Year, which lasted from June 2013 through May 2014, consisted of receiving two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

• • •

A year's worth of Bobtail ice cream is many things. It is in touch with pop culture via flavors named after a self-objectifying twerking enthusiast or a murderous medieval tagline. It makes use of the flavors of the season, be it a favorite dessert at Thanksgiving or a certain Valentine's Day treat. It honors people in uniform, including Chicago's lovable losers and young dealers who profit off of addicts during their annual nationwide baked goods sale. It is a little bit nutty, whether by way of legumes or actual tree nuts paired with chocolate. It is abstract, often in the form of concepts Kevin Spacey once referenced in a string of murders. It is an inquisitive study of farm animals. But above all else, a year's worth of Bobtail ice cream is inspired. But, twenty-four pints later, one has to ask: which flavors were the best?

Without a doubt my favorite Bobtail creation over the past twelve months was Lemongrass Mint Ginger. Though almost a year has passed since I tasted this flavor, I remember its nuances well. The subtle way each of its three namesakes floated in and out, playing off one another perfectly. Though it was a rare occurrence when I found myself doubting that Lemongrass Mint Ginger was as good as I remembered it being, it was put to the test when Bobtail offered Lemongrass ice cream partway through the year. It was delicious, but it was a sad nostalgia, like when you drive down the main drag of your hometown and see some of the stores had closed. I missed the spice of the mint. I missed the carbonated-like effect of the crystallized ginger sprinkled throughout. I hate to drag a solo artist through the mud--Honestly, Lemongrass, you were great--but I hope the band gets back together someday because Lemongrass Mint Ginger was one of the best, a legend on a spoon.

Both of the runners-up are four-legged flavors. First, there was the oddly-named 'Goat?', which brilliantly added goat cheese to the classic pairing of blackberry and vanilla. Pretty and delicate, both in color and on the tongue, it was an inspired twist on an underrated favorite. Next, there was Sloth which, for reason that escape me now, was never actually given its own post. Sloth had a peanut butter base with marshmallow and butterscotch mixed in. I'm not usually one for peanut butter flavors, but this one did it for me.

As luck would have it, the story doesn't end here. Chris over at Bobtail has been a big fan of my blog posts and was kind enough to send me a new punchcard for another year of Bobtail ice cream! Year two begins in June.

Bobtail Year: Goat?

Photo copyrights are not mine. Will take down upon request.
L-to-R: "Wildman" Steve Brill, Murray's Cheese and Beyond Reason.

May is month twelve of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

• • • 

When I walk into Bobtail, I see they have a flavor named after a certain bearded, Taylor Swift back-up singer with rectangular pupils, a horned barnyardigan whose fuzzy figure doesn't seem like appetizing inspiration for a dessert.

"Tell me about the Goat, please."
"You have to say it, 'Goat?' Haha!"
"I'd like to try the Goat? please."

My scoop-stress, who having been tasked to name the flavor assigned it its inquisitive moniker, dunked her arm into the freezer. The sample spoon dipped into the prettiest bucket of ice cream in all the freezer. Could it be?

"Tell me about the Goat?"
"Goat? is a vanilla goat cheese ice cream with blackberries and goat cheese crumbles."

It was! I'd known it on sight: Just as blackberries stain one's fingers, it turns an ice cream base a delicate white and purple. Blackberry ice cream is perhaps the finest of all fruit ice cream, its tartness blending with cream and vanilla into the sweetest three-part harmony known to man. Adding a new voice to the mix, goat cheese? My oral cavity ached for this trio-turned-quartet's appetizing acoustics.

I let the echo of the sample bite reverberate through my being. Having just tasted vanilla goat cheese ice cream with blackberries and goat cheese crumble, it was clear that a change had taken place inside me. Part of me knew that nothing would ever be the--
"Well?" she asked. Clearly, I had lingered for longer than is normal.
"Well, I know I love it. The thing I'm wondering is how many pints I should get."
And I wish I'd gotten more.

Anyone who knows me and Bobtail will know this isn't Bobtail's first dance with goat cheese ice cream. This time around, vanilla is the principle flavor, one that is softened by the goat cheese and made tart by the blackberries. The goat cheese flavor isn't really in the foreground until one gets a bite with the goat cheese crumble mix-in, temporarily overtaking the silky vanilla-blackberry. The goat cheese crumbles are not overused, sneaking in every two or three bites. While the blackberry mix-in is less present than the goat cheese crumbles--just a few in my pint--their effect on the flavor as a whole is undeniable.

Without question, this was one of the best flavors of my Bobtail Year...but was it the best? This requires some thought. Next time: Bobtail Year in Review!

Bobtail Year: Vanilla Morghulis

April is month eleven of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

• • •

I love a challenge. Sure, I'd only seen one episode of "Game of Thrones," but that didn't mean I couldn't play. After a quick search of "Game of Thrones" top quotes/moments, plus some helpful hints from my devoted fan roommates, and I dove right in:

• Red Wedding: White chocolate ice cream base with strawberries and a raspberry swirl.
• Winter is Coning: White chocolate ice cream base with shredded coconut and shards of chocolate-covered waffle cones.
• Dracarys Daiquiri: Lime and strawberry ice cream.
• Swing the Sword: Red raspberry ice cream with pointy shards of chocolate.
• Vanilla Morghulis: Vanilla ice cream with the minced remains of raspberries, strawberries and Oreos.
• White Walker: a white chocolate version of Rocky Road ice cream. White chocolate base with chocolate-covered almonds and other nuts with chocolate-covered marshmallow and chocolate chunks.
• Warg Tracks: Chocolate truffles and marshmallows in peanut butter ice cream.
• Kingslayer: Strawberry ice cream with chocolate covered granola.
• This One's Name is 'Worm': Blackberry ice cream with blackberries and gummy worms.
• Hunks of Hodor: Chocolate ice cream with soft cookie pieces, chocolate chunks and nuts.
• Dragon's Breath: Cream cheese ice cream with a jalapeno jelly swirl.
• Blood Magic: Miracle berry ice cream...with pop rocks. 

My show of force left my competitors slain, nothing but vanquished corpses in my wake...plus some great flavor ideas other folks came up with. I ate their cold, black hearts like ice cream, licking their blood from my fingers like dribbles off a cone. And while I did it, I laughed at their hubris, chuckling a brash, "Mwa-ha-ha!" TL;DR: They used one of my flavor names and I won the contest.

What does victory taste like? If you were a winner, you'd know. Sweet vanilla. Whole cherries. Crispy brownie bits. One pint wasn't enough.

Bobtail Year: Thin Mint

March is month ten of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre. 

 • • •

I rushed to Bobtail the first chance I had when they announced an ice cream using Girl Scouts® Thin Mints® cookies. I had a history with this flavor concept, but the two of us had been estranged for many years for reasons I will explain now.

In the grocery store freezer aisle lurks an ice cream imposter known as "frozen dairy dessert." This method of fine-print labeling is used by brands such as Edy's/Dreyer's and Breyers to cut costs, essentially selling the consumer "ice cream" that doesn't actually use cream as a top-tier ingredient. (Often the major ingredient is whey, a substance made famous by an arachnophobic tuffet enthusiast.) Despite its reduced quality and lower cost of production, frozen dairy dessert is sold for the same price as the mass-produced ice cream, even in the "luxury ice cream" section. With deceptive labeling (e.g. the words "ice cream" do not appear on Breyers Blasts) and making appeals to the health conscious crowd (e.g. selling corn-syrup-laden "lite ice cream" whose recipe's central difference is that more air whipped in...Seriously, if you hold both half gallon, you can feel the weight difference. It is the same product, just less of it for the same price), national brands keep their costs low enough that their shoddy products always have retail prices below that of regional brands that use legitimate ingredients to make real ice cream. As a result, the amount of actual ice cream in the "ice cream aisle" is decreasing on an annual basis, especially as brands are jumping on the gelato band wagon to sell a snazzier-sounding, less-regulated product name to sell a "gelato" that has very little in common with the genuine form of its namesake. (If all of this sounds familiar, it's because brands like Hershey's have been doing the same thing, selling a product that is FDA-approved to be called "chocolate" regardless of whether or not it includes a noticeable percentage of cocoa butter or cocoa mass, cutting it with vegetable oil and other fillers.)

The purpose of my rant is this: Edy's/Dreyer's used to make ice cream bearing the official Girl Scouts® logo and Thin Mints® name. But the annual joy of seeing this flavor died the year I discovered that the labeling has changed from "ice cream" to "frozen dairy dessert." (Bravely, I tried the imposter. It had an airy Cool-Whip-meets-marshmallow-fluff-meets-mousse texture and, oddly, wouldn't get as cold as ice cream. My burps tasted like empty calories.) Then, in the past few years, Breyers won the Girl Scouts® contract, but they, too, spit in opportunity's face by creating another frozen dairy dessert monstrosity.

With the fate of Girl Scouts® ice cream in the red hands of corporate America, it is up to the local scoop shops to revive an ice cream that uses Thin Mints® cookies (albeit using a non-trademarked name, such as Thin Mint singular). And, with the help of troop #20308, Bobtail answered the call.

Two things are noticeable when I cracked open my pint of Bobtail's Thin Mint: the ice cream base is white (meaning mint, not mint chocolate like the grocery offerings have been) and the ice cream is PACKED with cookies. The mint of the base is present in the flavor, but only to complement (not overpower) the chocolate of the cookies. (Still, a mint chocolate base might be an improvement.) The cookies maintain their crunch and the crunch fills up nearly every bite. But, flavor analysis aside the true test of whether the ice cream lives up to its namesake cookie is whether I consume far too much of it than I originally intended. (I may or may not have known the shame of eating an entire sleeve of Thin Mints cookies, even before this year's smaller box.) And, sure enough, Bobtail's flavor passes the ate-too-much-yet-not-enough test. Here's hoping I can stand to wait another year for it to reappear.

Bobtail Year: Chocolate Covered Strawberry

February is month nine of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

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Dearest Strawberry,

Ask any seasoned couple and they can tell you when they first fell in love. It should come as no surprise then when I tell you that I remember when I was first introduced to a certain Strawberry and Goat Cheese ice cream, back when you went by that name. For weeks, I'd heard my friends talk about you and had looked forward to when I would meet such a vibrant and charismatic personality. Then one magical evening at Bobtail in 2010, fate brought us together. From the very first moment, I knew you were no ordinary strawberry and that I would dream of you for years to come.

When you first arrived, I was still fairly new in town myself. To me, you were the lights in the Chicago skyline. But, as it does for everyone, time passes and relationships change. You were carving out your own identity, one separate from goat cheese. Without that edgier side, you were just as beautiful as the day we met, but still I found myself missing your feisty, take-me-as-I-am spirit. There's no need to rehash about that rough period we went through, when I was seeing other flavors. I only bring it up so I can make one thing absolutely clear: While I did miss your adventurous side, I never stopped loving you, Strawberry.

Those love fires may have been burning low, but they were burning all the same. I couldn't help but reminisce every one of those times we ran into one another at Bobtail. I get the feeling those brief encounters also left you dreaming of that magical evening years ago when we first met.

By the time February rolled around, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to have you again. Little did I know that you had been thinking of reinventing yourself once more. Just in time for Valentine's Day, you unveiled yourself as Chocolate Covered Strawberry. While time had shown me that it was you I missed and not the frills, can you blame me for being allured by this new experimental side?

Look at you! I could just eat you up!

Ask any couple about how they keep the thrills coming in their more private moments and they'll say, "You have to spice it up." For me, the chocolate flake accoutrements gave you a new bite; they were black as leather and tasty as edible undies. But while I enjoyed this new kinky side, I remembered that it was your foundation as a flavor that really made you all that you are. Your rosy color and sweet disposition are exactly what I've been searching for all these years, no matter what form you may take. What I say to you now, I say for a lifetime: I would have you in my mouth anytime.

XOXO,
Brad

Bobtail Year: Walnut Fudge

January is month eight of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

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Things I always think I will like more than I actually do:

• Looking out over cities from great heights
• Wearing sweaters to the office
• Clicking on links with clickbaiting captions
• McSweeney's humor section
• Reading books that came recommended by people who don't know my tastes
• Every time I give in and watch a Will Farrell movie because a friend swears that "This one is different" (Spoiler alert: It's still Will Farrell.)
• Rewatching sketches from my favorite years of SNL (My friend says Will Farrell's years were pretty funny, though.)
• Listening to a pop punk band from the mid-90s that I never heard until now
• New albums by The Roots
• New albums by Weezer
• New albums by Dashboa
• New albums by any artist or group who has gone a long time without a good album
• My first viewing of a Coen brothers movie
• Noir
• Quinoa
• Walnuts
• Fudge

Things that combine two disappointing things from the above list into something I enjoy:

• Bobtail's Walnut Fudge ice cream, a fudgy, gooey ice cream that is rich with cocoa and crunchy with walnuts