Bobtail Year 2: Olaf

Does my Olaf drawing look bad? ...You hesitated.

June was the first month of Bobtail Year 2, in which I receive two pints of homemade ice cream a month from Bobtail.

If you haven't seen Frozen yet, I wouldn't recommend reading this entry. No spoilers or anything, but you won't get the jokes. I would recommend instead that you stop what you're doing and watch the film. But before you do that please tell me how you get internet service while living under a rock?

• • •

I found out what frozen things do in the summer. He was a snowman named Olaf and I just ate him.

I realize that must make me seem as wicked as Adele Dazeem.

I almost felt guilty, but I let it go.

(I could keep going...and I will.)

Like a snowman in a blender.

Having confessed to this act of carnage, you might think me a button-nosed dessert blogger with a heart made out of coal. But I was not the only one whose enthusiasm for Disney's Frozen has turned to acts of hysteria. People were lining up to eat him because Olaf is the name of Bobtail's latest customer-suggested creation. Inspired by the film's carrot-schnozzed snowman--unofficially inspired, Disney lawyers--Olaf ice cream has a white cream cheese base with generous hunks of carrot cake and walnuts. And, true to form, it contains no bones.

One read of the flavor description and I thought Olaf might like a warm hug...from my mouth. While I have but a mild amity for carrot cake, I am jumping-out-of-my-clogs ecstatic at the mention of carrot cake ice cream. The cream cheese base was lighter than one expects and the carrot cake and walnuts did a lot more than provide texture, adding much to the flavor. Suffice to say I had far less restraint than Sven the reindeer. (Reindeers are better than people, after all.) A flavor this good should be celebrated near and far, from Chicago to Weaseltown. And I think Olaf, who made the greatest sacrifice for this flavor to exist, would agree that it is a flavor worth melting for.

If you have the chance to try this flavor from Bobtail, it is an opportunity to knock at...assuming you know how to knock.

Bobtail Year: Wrecking Ball

No comment.

October is month five of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

Let's pretend there is no Miley Cyrus and a wrecking ball isn't a method of transport for naked, hypersexualized 20s-somethings with androgynous hairstyles--this is already my best post ever--but that it is nothing more than a steel sphere used to level buildings. Through this lens we will analyze Bobtail's latest flavor.

HISTORY - PATH OF DESTRUCTION. Though Bobtail was likely the first to create a Wrecking Ball ice cream, numerous companies claim to be the inventors of the wrecking ball. The most well publicized claim of ownership is Henry Bath & Co. who possess documentation claiming use of such a device to break up an iron ship in the late 1800s. (Steel beats Iron, Iron beats Aluminum and Aluminum beats Steel by covering it and turning it into a disco ball.) But it is hard to imagine civilization without big, heavy things being used to smash its inferiors to bits. The concept is so basic that it is a wonder anyone can claim to have been the first. Similarly, can anyone really claim to have "invented" white chocolate? It is made by extracting cocoa butter from cacao. A person can no more invent cocoa butter than they can invent oxygen and hydrogen by boiling water. All anyone can do is make sweet use of white chocolate, something Bobtail has ably done.

Keep that tongue in your mouth.

FUNCTION - INSTRUMENT OF DESTRUCTION. Unlike other cranes, which are used to create, wrecking balls are used to destroy. The mighty weight is controlled by a motorized moveable pulley system, the same we see used by cranes. They are sleek, but theirs is a violent function. Kinetic energy gives the smooth, round form hanging from a chain its wild streak of red, like the raspberry swirl in this white chocolate ice cream. The swirl creates a tang amongst the sweet, creating a flavor best described as "pink." Bobtail's flavor also features hunks of raspberry, which were unadvertised but quite welcome.

RESULTS - IN THE WAKE OF DESTRUCTION. Gracefully cutting through the sky, wrecking balls mustn't be wielded with wild abandon. Like a boomerang, this beautiful behemoth of steel returns to its source--push it away and it will come back--but unlike a boomerang, a wrecking ball leaves wreckage in its path wherever it goes. The shards left behind may resemble the toffee or chocolate covered peanuts that remain when the ice cream melts away. And Wrecking Ball has more delicious chunks than any Bobtail flavor I've ever eaten. Grab a spoon and shovel it in your mouth like a bulldozer.

Flavor Battle: Ice Cream of Celebrity Apprentice

Consumers of Delish Ice Cream are never in want of fonts.

At certain hours, my Michigan Avenue office sits in the shadow of neighboring Trump Tower, Chicago's second tallest building. Last week, I gazed upward trying to steal a glance as I took the fifty yard stroll from my office entrance to the Walgreen's housed in the same building. And once inside I combed the store for more evidence of the comb over billionaire.

Back at my desk, I cracked the lid of two new Delish brand ice cream flavors that were imagined by contestants on Celebrity Apprentice: Penn Jillette's Vanilla & Chocolate Magic Swirtle and Trace Adkins' Maple Macadamia Mash-up. Though there are many things worthy of mockery about Donald Trump--mostly his inability to laugh at himself when he is mocked--he should be admired for using his reality show as a platform for a  nationwide ice cream competition.* My main grievance is that the competition was less about flavor quality and more about other factors. Here are my case studies on the two flavors:

Name: Penn Jillette's Vanilla & Chocolate Magic Swirtle
Details: "Rich Vanilla Ice Cream with a Sea Salt Chocolate Swirl and Fudge Caramel Candy Pieces." Though, they don't seem to advertise it anywhere on the packaging, the candy pieces are shaped like turtles.
Creator: Famed member of the illusion/comedy duo Penn & Teller. Also a famed skeptic and TV show host. I first knew of Penn & Teller from educational videos they made that were shown in some of my classes at school.
Expectation: I am bored to read that this is little more than vanilla with a fudge swirl with a fairly pedestrian mix-in. The use of salt seems a weak attempt at making the flavor original.
Review: Most of the bites are so salty, it makes me crave the bland vanilla ice cream that houses it. But every few bites, much to my surprise, the swirl itself is magnificent, a more nuanced flavor than one finds in flavors like Moose Tracks. It's a shame they used a much lower quality chocolate for the chocolate-caramel turtles.

Name: Trace Adkins' Maple Macadamia Mash-up
Details: "Dry Roasted Macadamia Nuts in Maple Ice Cream."
Creator: I can't say I'd ever heard the name Trace Adkins before. Based on his style of dress I wager he is a country singer. Based on his flavor concept, I would guess he is a Vermonter who likes spends his vacations in Hawai'i. Based on the fact he's on a celebrity reality show, I'd wager that whatever he's known for, his peak has passed. Zing!
Expectation: If the ice cream base isn't overly sweet, it will win. And macadamia nuts are a favorite ice cream mix-in of mine.
Review: I was pleasantly surprised that the maple base was flavorful without being cloying or overwhelming. It didn't taste like maple syrup so much as it tasted like the sweetness one tastes after the maple syrup has soaked into fluffy pancakes. And the macadamia nuts are a great touch!

Findings and Conclusions:

Wrigley Building & Trump Tower, Chicago

Maple Macadamia Mash-Up was the obvious winner. It was a new idea that worked. As a brand, however, Trump could do better to pair with a brand that makes a better product than Delish ice cream. Neither ice cream was as dense as I like, but just because a flavor is sold in pints does not mean it is super premium. The texture of both suggests a heavy reliance on corn syrup (the fifth ingredient). And then there's the mix-ins, which were in far to short a supply. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised that both flavors were stingy with the mix-ins. It is Donald Trump, after all.


*While the show has had ice cream competitions before--it was first done in 2004 during season two, where contestants imagined a red velvet cake ice cream (now becoming more commonplace) and a chocolate doughnut ice cream (what's the hold up?) that Caio Bella produced for them to sell around New York City--I believe this is the first time the show's flavors have been available nationwide.

This Honkey Ice Cream Be Trippin'

Ben & Jerry’s caused quite a buzz over the release of a secret, new flavor inspired by Tina Fey’s addictively funny show “30 Rock.” According to the press releases, the flavor name would be revealed at a launch party being held to celebrate the series finale. Our mouths were watering and everyone was wondering what would the flavor be?

“Tracey Jordan Almond—ooh, or Muffin Top!” suggested the Wednesday issue of Chicago’s Red Eye. With so many quotable moments in the show’s seven season run, there were endless creative possibilities for the new flavor. Here are some favorites my friends and I imagined.

• Walnut Bar Mitzvah, a super-nutty walnut brownie ice cream with fudge werewolves and a caramel swirl. 
• Mind Grape, an ice cream (chocolate?) with raisins and fudge brains. 
• Blerghberry. 
• Deal Breaker, a strawberry ice cream with chocolate broken hearts and brownies. 
• Jackie Jormp Chomp. 
• Food Ball, a flavor that is literally more chunks than ice cream, throwing in EVERY variety of chunk offered in Ben & Jerry's other flavors. 
• Spaceman Lemon (Spa-cheh-mun Leh-mun), a lemon ice cream with space dust (Sour Patch kid dust) and white chocolate spacemen. 
• What the What, which mixes any bizarre combination of flavors, like coffee and waffles. (Obviously, this idea was still in the development stages.) 
• Night Cheesecake.
• Ghost Meat.
• Sabor de Soledad, a flavor somehow inspired by Liz Lemon’s favorite brand of cheese curls, which contain the crucial ingredient of bull semen. 

The gauntlet had been thrown down. It would be tough to top some of these delicious ideas. But surely Ben & Jerry’s had something truly amazing up their sleeves, right? Especially given all the fuss they stirred up?

Nope. The flavor they are releasing in the spring is…drum roll…Liz Lemon Greek Frozen Yogurt. That’s right, the Ben & Jerry’s creative department watched “30 Rock” and invented Lemon Froyo, a truly revolutionary flavor. Idiots. And while any devoted fan who read Bossypants knows that Tina Fey has Greek heritage, her character Liz Lemon would never, ever choose frozen yogurt for fear it might be less fattening or less delicious than ice cream. Never. Ever.

Ah, well. I guess I’ll just blame it on Lutz.

Mr. T Coloring Contest

Sighted in a recent visit to Seattle's Bluebird. I hope these decorations hang for many years.
 

 

Ep2: Most Definitely Not Less Than

A blurry beacon of brumal bounty.

Since first hearing of Graeter's from one-time guest blogger Jill, I've noticed the company gets mentioned in almost every conversation I have with people about "favorite ice cream." But why trust my friends and acquaintances? Oprah, one of the company's celebrity fans, is rumored to have their Butter Pecan shipped directly to her mouth. Beyond this vote of confidence, Graeter's is frequently featured on best ice cream lists in travel and food magazines/websites. Needless to say, they had a lot to live up to as Boren and I, having driven for seven hours that day, barreled into Columbia a mere 14 minutes before they closed.

Graeter's has many shops, but we targeted this particular location because it offered free self-guided tours of the factory. Driving up, it was immediately clear that the parlor might actually be larger than the factory. Still, after a painstaking amount of consideration was put into sampling and ordering, the tour provided all the information I needed to better understand the happy dance happening in my mouth. Here, I'll let you copy my notes:

Their ice cream is made using the French Pot process, which is a small-batch method similar to home ice cream makers. The main benefit of this inefficient process is a denser, creamier ice cream with less air whipped into it. Tasting the product, I couldn't deny that the texture of Graeter's ice cream was different, smoother and more stuck to itself. But even better than the texture of the ice cream was that of the chocolate chips. I read that instead of using solid chunks of chocolate, Graeter's pours in liquid chocolate. By doing this, the chocolate chips in flavors like Black Raspberry Chip (my favorite) and Chocolate Chocolate Chip are soft, yielding and far more flavorful than the chalky snap of most chocolate chunks.

After my foray into speed learning, I treated myself to a second helping of ice cream, effectively making myself both the last and next-to-last customer before closing for the evening. As we made our exit, Boren and I pumped some Kanye and sped our way to Akron.

---

Not near Ohio? I am elated to report that Graeter's packaged pints have become more widely available this year. Since I took this road trip with Boren, I have found the pints at both Fresh Market and Kroger grocery stores. Use the Graeter's store finder to locate some near you. Of the flavors offered, nearly all the grocery store varieties feature their signature chocolate chips, including Black Raspberry Chip! It may be more expensive than other luxury ice creams, but remember it's denser! (According to the tour, a pint of Graeter's should actually weigh more than a pint of another brand.) Besides, you really should treat yourself now and again...and now. For best results, consume immediately upon arriving home from the grocery store, when it is less hard and closest to the quintessential French Pot texture.

You're Welcome, President Obama

'Sup Barack-n-Roll,

During your second birthday in the White House, I joined many Americans in sending you birthday wishes. Mine included the suggestion to try Thomas Sweet in Georgetown. I know how busy it must be having a full-time job and raising a family, so I didn't expect my note to be given full attention. Having recently revisited the shop, I was shocked to see pictures of you on their wall shaking hands and posing with the staff. You DID read my note!

At first, I was a tad bothered that I wasn't sent a thank you card for sharing such valuable information, but then I remembered I never sent you a thank you note for taking on the Sisyphean task of working with a Congress so consumed by pleasing their funders that they refuse to do their job. Rather than ignorantly blaming you for having both hands tied behind your back, I would like to be the change I want to see in the world. Here is my offer to serve on your cabinet in a new position I call Secretary of Dessert Consumption. Here is my first report:

Mr. President, some time has passed since my first transmission. By now I have visited each of the most frequently mentioned top ice cream shops in Washington, D.C. I am pleased to report that I did not pull a Rumsfeld, sir. Make no misunderestimations, Thomas Sweet is indeed the best in DC.

My personal favorite is Chocolate Chip Cookie. Unlike another American-invented ice cream flavor which contains cookie dough as a mix-in, this flavor actually tastes like cookie dough, complete with a mouthful of mini-chocolate chips in each bite. But there are many flavors worth exploring. I also highly recommend the Bittersweet Chocolate, which is gelato-like in its explosive dark chocolate flavor, and Chocolate Marshmallow Oreo, which features marshmallows with the same texture as those in the process of melting in a warm cup of hot chocolate.

As the first Secretary of Dessert Consumption, I will continue dutifully serving my country by providing reliable information on the best places for ice cream and more. All of this data will be compiled in this blog, thereby creating total transparency for the public eye and bettering our great country.

BFFs!
Brad



- - -

Update for 2015: While Thomas Sweet is more of a classic ice cream shop in D.C., in recent years another great option is Ice Cream Jubilee in Navy Yard, which offers some tres chic flavors.

Some pictures leave us without any words.

I think it’s fair to say that I wear my heart on my sleeve. That being said, I have never felt the need to have it tattooed on my arm or, to an even lesser degree, tattooed on my face. Unsurprisingly, Gucci Mane, processes life differently than I.

Back in January, the rapper, who famously wears a chain around his neck with an ice cream cone on it, celebrated his release from a mental institution by getting a brand new tattoo. On his face. Of an ice cream cone. With lightning bolts coming out from it. Someone may have had too many sprinkles on his sundae.

Along with the now infamous Twitter photo (linked above), an artist’s recreation of Mr. Mane (and his ink) serves as cover art for his latest release, The Return of Mr. Zone 6. The lyrics of “Mouth Full of Gold” give us a little insight: “Ice cream on my face and chain ‘cause that's the life that I live, shawty."

Ice cream is a beloved thing.

A while back, I wrote that based on findings in my research "Ice cream is not punk." This was not the only disturbing discovery in my research: artists from other genres also said slanderous things about my favorite topic.

Gandhi said that we should be the chump we wish to see in the world. Finally, I have done just that. I just released a short collection of fun songs for FREE download entitled Robot Monkey Reindeer Clown. These are songs I've written for prompts and assignments, both professional and theatrical. You can hear my shout-out to ice-to-the-cream if you listen carefully (especially you, ladies) to the lyrics of "Welcome to Musical Storytime!"

Though it may not be an album full of love letters to my frozen delight, it is a point for our side. Go team.

Eels and Ice Cream

Usually these two topics have nothing to do with another. Not tonight.

A concert that started boring--throwaway tracks, a food festival cover of "Summer in the City," a funk-ish version of "My Beloved Monster"--got cool--"Fresh Blood," jazz version of "Dog-Faced Boy," rocking "I Like Birds"--and then weird--drummer sang some random song, "Mr. E's Beautiful Blues" sung over "Twist and Shout," a mariachi cover of "Summertime (and the Livin' is Easy)". During this last track he cracked open a cooler on stage and started throwing dozens of half-melted ice cream novelties and popsicles into the crowd. I watched as a Drumstick was passed around by confused audience members. Idiots.

I just got back and had to wash chocolate off my jacket. This is actually the second article of clothing today that has needed this treatment. La vita è bella.

Field Report: R&B Never Tasted So Good

Former Chicago resident, Rachel, explains her celebrity ice cream encounter:

I was getting home from a late night shift one warm night a few years back and as I'm walking, I see an ad for Edy's ice cream—buy one get one free—in the CVS window. I was immediately sold: partaking in 2 half gallons of ice cream when I get home could possibly be the best idea ever.

Fast forward to my waiting in line with a bunch of tired people, all of us ready for bed, a half gallon of moose tracks in one hand and a half gallon of vanilla bean in the other, and who walks into CVS, but R. Kelly himself. (During this time, he was going through his trial in Chicago regarding his extracurricular activities.) The body guards that surrounded him and the rest of his entourage all scattered into the various aisles as if they're on a mission. Apparently their mission was to get R. Kelly drunk, because they all start heading up to the front of the store with bottles of Jack Daniels, cases of beer, and I'm pretty sure I saw some tequila and margarita mix thrown in there as well.

R. Kelly, still standing up at the front of the store, announces "Hey y'all, I am getting #%!@ up tonight, and whatever you want, it's on me. Guys, you want condoms? You get condoms. Ladies, whatever you want, I'm buying."

All of us already in line are suddenly wondering if we should be running around, adding more to our carts, but, not sure if this is really happening. I ask the nearest bodyguard "Is he serious?" "Oh yes, ma'am, he's very serious." Some people jump out of line, but really I was perfectly happy just getting my ice cream.

In the confusion the line got readjusted, but all of a sudden, R. Kelly spots me and says "Hey, hey. Let vanilla through. Let her get her ice cream." So they let me up to the front. (I'm not sure if "vanilla" is a special term of endearment for this pale, white girl look I've been rocking for years or if he just happened to see what he was about to buy me, but I realize this might be the only chance in my life to talk to him. Wanting to thank him and let him know that under his circumstances I'd be looking to get #%!@ up as well, all I can come up with is "Thank you very much, Mr. Kelly."

"You're welcome, baby."

"You enjoy getting #%!@ up tonight."

"You know I will."

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

You can send Barack Obama a birthday message online. As you can probably imagine, I had some important information to pass on to the Leader of the Free World:

Happy birthday, dude. I know you're working hard out there, but take some time to eat some cake and ice cream. From what I recall, the Chocolate Chip Cookie ice cream at Thomas Sweet in Georgetown is superb.

Note from 2012: President Obama took my advice!

Stanley Cup Sundae

The Blackhawks have done it. And now each of the players will have a day with the coveted cup.

The Stanley Cup has been victim to much debauchery, but others have used it to spread peace, love and ice cream. As the article says, "What better way to celebrate one of the sweetest moments of your life than with a giant ice cream sundae?"

Ice Cream is not punk. (Part 2)

Once again, punks are opposed to having ice cream associated with their image. The Sex Pistols are threatening to sue a London ice cream maker for using the tagline "God Save the Cream."

While in London two weekends ago, I went to Selfridges, temporary home of the Icecreamists. I was drawn in by their contemporary design like a mall punk to hair dye and Chuck Taylor's. But it was all fashion, in the name of selling an old product at an inflated price. (Really, Johnny Rotten could just as easily open up another ridiculous lawsuit by claiming they stole his business model.) My choice: bypass the Icecreamists for the Oddono's in Selfridges food court.

(Thanks to my brother Brian for the link.)

Ice Cream Talk with Oscar-winners

I was house managing a play when she walked in. She was not the only celebrity I'd met at Williamstown Theatre Festival, summer stock home of so many of Broadway's favorites and hopefuls. As she walked towards the theatre's entrance, I was faced with a moral dilemma I hoped I'd never face. But nonetheless I was forced to action—it cut me to say it, but I must do my job, and I must do it well:

"You know you can't bring that into the theatre, right?" speaking of the dish of ice cream in her hands. No food or drink was allowed in the theatre.

Remembering herself, she looked down at her Styrofoam bowl, complete with plastic spoon and overturned sugar cone—and gleefully sputtered, "I got here earlier, but I needed some ice cream so I left."

The following is what that made this moment in time such a pinnacle of my existence. Rather than asking where there might be a receptacle to dispose of her unfinished delight, she promptly inquired if there might be a freezer to store her sweet temptation. Dutifully, I escorted her.

There was much to discuss with my new compatriot in lactose. She had gone to the local place, Lickety Split, and was still reeling from how good it was. Enthusiastically, I told her she had to try their signature flavor, Purple Cow. "Ooh, what's that?" "Raspberry ice cream with chocolate and white chocolate pieces and a raspberry swirl."

For some reason, I did not ask her what flavor she had tried. I was feeling a bit shy, nervous to ask such a personal question, but felt confident enough to make a few sidelong glances. My leering soon left me deflated: she seemed to have a frou-frou coffee flavor.

Arriving at our rendezvous destination, I opened the freezer door for her with all the chivalry I could muster. Already inside the freezer sat a half gallon I had placed for storage earlier. "I am an ice cream fiend," I told her, feeling a little exposed. I felt safe, though, not at all ashamed or scared.

As her treat entered my secret place, I sneaked another peek at her dish's contents. At second glance it appeared to be deep, pure, and uniform as only chocolate can be. This put all my fears to rest. We walked the 15 second trek back to the theatre with smiles on our faces.

She entered the theatre and my friend who works in the box office called me over to ask where "Marisa Tomei and I" had walked off to together all "buddy-buddy." I told him I had taken her to a freezer to store her ice cream, and in saying this I realized I was probably the only person in the world who thought this to be more intimate than anything else we could have accomplished in such a short span of time. Mmm, ice cream talk. Foreplay for the loser.

• • •

As the play came to a close I took my post near the door as people exited. She came to me and asked me where the stage door was to meet the actors exit from. I directed her in the proper direction and told her with a knowing smile, "I can show you to your ice cream when you're ready." I looked forward to another rendezvous, once more sharing our passion, and again showing her the opulence of my frozen safehold. 

...But sadly, this is where our story ends. It seems our heroin, in all of her cravings, did not feel the need to come and claim her beloved.

Oh, how we all dream in this life! Dreams of theatres where ice cream can gain admittance, dreams of conversations with movie stars, dreams of Marisa Tomei inviting us over for sex and pie. How rare it is that we appreciate the dreams that we live daily more than the dreams we wish would come true. How rare it is to be so virtuous! To hold such virtue would be, well, the kingdom of heaven. Yes, and ice cream is the kingdom come to earth. Ice cream, one could conclude, IS life!

Indeed. And I hold the spoon.

Ice cream is not punk.

Mike B. from roundabout our nation’s capitol* brought to my attention the band Fugazi’s DVD Instrument in which the vocalist Ian MacKaye (formerly of Minor Threat) becomes irritated during a show when some fans start a fight. To drive the point that fighting is unwelcome at their shows, he and another band member challenge how tough the fighters are with the following rant:

“I saw you two guys earlier at the Good Humor truck and you were eating your ice cream like little boys and I thought those guys aren’t so tough. They’re eating ice cream. What a buncha swell guys…Oh, you’re bad now, you’re bad now, but you were eating ice cream cone…Ice cream eating motherf*****. That’s what you are.”

Clearly, in the mind of Fugazi, ice cream is neither tough nor punk. Since then, I have been hyper-aware of songs mentioning ice cream and it really gets a bad rap from musicians:

Rivers Cuomo of Weezer concurs that eating ice cream is not the path of rebellious youth in “Troublemaker.” He says, “Movies are bad as eating chocolate ice cream.”

Sarah McLaughlin has the audacity to claim that she holds someone she loves in higher regard than ice cream. I find very hard to believe any person could be superior to ice cream. (Think about it: Ice cream will never hurt you, cheat on you, leave you. Ice cream is always there when you want it. Ice cream doesn’t mind if you’ve had a bad day and don’t feel like talking. Heck, ice cream doesn’t mind if you stab it with a spoon.)

Tori Amos shares this lack of respect. Her song “Spark” references an “ice cream assassin,” which to me suggests that death by ice cream is undesirable. Why not “ice cream euthanizer,” Tori?

Both the Wu Tang Clan and 50 Cent have songs called “Ice Cream,” Master P has one called “Mr. Ice Cream Man,” and much like the crooning and croaking of David Lee Roth and Tom Waits, respectively, I get the feeling they are not talking about ice cream.

Nirvana’s “Sliver” recounts childhood memories of going to grandma’s house and eating ice cream for dinner. Not a bad entrée, grandma! Still, in this dream world, the narrator pleads to be taken home (to his parents’ house). Absolutely nuts if you ask me.

As for Mike B., I do not know his stance on ice cream, but his band Swagger & Skank has much amity for Stewart’s Soda, who happens to make one of favorite sodas, Key Lime.

*Speaking of our nation’s capitol, a very important election is coming up. If you've decided you’re voting for Obama and want to work for the campaign, Travel for Change (an organization separate from Obama’s campaign) is offering to fly interested parties to swing states to help win the vote. If you can’t go, you can donate your frequent flyer miles.


Note from 2012: Later in Chicago, Mike B. became the bass player for my band
.

My gift is my spoon...

Brad 
(singing obnoxiously from cubicle)
“Is there life on Maaaa-aaa-aaars? Maaa-ah-ah-ah-arrrrrs!"

Co-Worker
Brad, that isn’t how “Life on Mars” goes.

Brad
 It isn’t?

Co-Worker 
No. The words are right, but that’s the tune of Elton John’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

- - -

I think it’s an easy mistake to make. The songs are not so dissimilar. But it seems now Elton John has the upper hand among gay, British musicians who have sung songs with Muppets. Ben and Jerry’s has honored Reginald “Elton John” Dwight with an ice cream flavor, “Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road,” in honor of his upcoming first concert in Vermont. Available only in Vermont, the limited edition flavor is "an outrageous symphony of decadent chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, butter brickle and white chocolate chunks."

I mentioned earlier the return of The Dave Matthews Band’s flavor: Magic Brownie’s Remix Edition. If Elton John’s flavor is successful and returns after its limited edition release, they’ll have to call it “The Bitch is Back Edition.”


Note from 2012: This flavor was later offered in grocery store pints for a limited time.

Larry David hates me.

Waiting for the bus this morning, I looked at newspaper headlines. In an unusual turn, USA Today caught my eye. It featured a brief blurb at the top about the return of HBO comedy show Curb Your Enthusiasm, starring Larry David (co-creator of Seinfeld and inspiration for the irritable George Costanza).

The blurb makes mention of the show taking on “ice cream sample abusers” in its upcoming season. The show is much like Seinfeld would have been if the original show had uncensored storylines and language, an emphasis on improvisation, and always centered around social irregularities encountered (or summoned) by George. In an episode, Larry will undoubtedly make a scene in an ice cream shop because someone is sampling ice cream flavors to their heart’s content, but much to Larry’s irritation. (Note from 2012: Here's the scene. as featured in Season 6, Ep. 3 "The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial.")

This very subject is one I’ve been pondering recently. I am very likely a prime example of one of these so-called “sample abusers.” When I buy ice cream somewhere new to me, I take full advantage of any sampling opportunities to insure I have chosen the perfect flavor combination for my very particular palate. In terms of flavor aesthetics, this is a wonderful practice. Environmentally, however, the one-time use of a plastic spoon or shovel is a wasteful practice. I am at a crossroads: I will not give up my sampling habit, but do not want to leave this earth as a terrible sea of single serving utensils for my children’s children to deal with.

Possible solutions: (1) Ice cream stores use recyclable or washable metal sampling spoons. (2) Scoop shops have jars where samplers can donate money to erase their carbon footprint. (3) Samples are, instead, catapulted into patrons’ mouths.

If anyone sees the aforementioned episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, please report back.