Eating an Endangered Species

Before the scene of ravenous carnage.

The fried Twinkie. It is one of the seven wonders of carnival foods. It is the fulfillment of the great southern prophesy that anything would be good if it were deep fried. And now it is an endangered species.

It was announced today that Hostess is going out of business. I set my sights for Hamburger Mary's, a joint in my neighborhood whose dessert menu features fried Twinkies with whipped cream and raspberry sauce. I devoured the delicacy so fast that my waitress asked if I'd like to lick the plate. The exterior, crisp and textured like breadcrumbs, but sweet with chemically engineered ingredients.

After I'd eaten, I was still hungry for more. I wondered if there was anywhere I could buy a fried dodo drumstick to gnaw on.

After the slaying, I feared PETA would throw
whipped cream on my jacket in protest.