Thursday, October 31, 2013

Bobtail Year: Wrecking Ball

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October is month five of my Bobtail Year, two pints of Bobtail Homemade Ice Cream a month for donating to Oracle Theatre.

Let's pretend there is no Miley Cyrus and a wrecking ball isn't a method of transport for naked, hypersexualized 20s-somethings with androgynous hairstyles--this is already my best post ever--but that it is nothing more than a steel sphere used to level buildings. Through this lens we will analyze Bobtail's latest flavor.

HISTORY - PATH OF DESTRUCTION. Though Bobtail was likely the first to create a Wrecking Ball ice cream, numerous companies claim to be the inventors of the wrecking ball. The most well publicized claim of ownership is Henry Bath & Co. who possess documentation claiming use of such a device to break up an iron ship in the late 1800s. (Steel beats Iron, Iron beats Aluminum and Aluminum beats Steel by covering it and turning it into a disco ball.) But it is hard to imagine civilization without big, heavy things being used to smash its inferiors to bits. The concept is so basic that it is a wonder anyone can claim to have been the first. Similarly, can anyone really claim to have "invented" white chocolate? It is made by extracting cocoa butter from cacao. A person can no more invent cocoa butter than they can invent oxygen and hydrogen by boiling water. All anyone can do is make sweet use of white chocolate, something Bobtail has ably done.

Keep that tongue in your mouth.
FUNCTION - INSTRUMENT OF DESTRUCTION. Unlike other cranes, which are used to create, wrecking balls are used to destroy. The mighty weight is controlled by a motorized moveable pulley system, the same we see used by cranes. They are sleek, but theirs is a violent function. Kinetic energy gives the smooth, round form hanging from a chain its wild streak of red, like the raspberry swirl in this white chocolate ice cream. The swirl creates a tang amongst the sweet, creating a flavor best described as "pink." Bobtail's flavor also features hunks of raspberry, which were unadvertised but quite welcome.

RESULTS - IN THE WAKE OF DESTRUCTION. Gracefully cutting through the sky, wrecking balls mustn't be wielded with wild abandon. Like a boomerang, this beautiful behemoth of steel returns to its source--push it away and it will come back--but unlike a boomerang, a wrecking ball leaves wreckage in its path wherever it goes. The shards left behind may resemble the toffee or chocolate covered peanuts that remain when the ice cream melts away. And Wrecking Ball has more delicious chunks than any Bobtail flavor I've ever eaten. Grab a spoon and shovel it in your mouth like a bulldozer.

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