Sunday, March 15, 2015

X-Rated Ben & Jerry's (NSFW)

Parody of original cow and cloud image by Woody Jackson.
(c) Woody Jackson and (c) Ben & Jerry's Homemade, Inc.
***If this post is ever referenced in a job interview, please know that it was posted without Brad's knowledge by a friend who hacked into his blog.***

Though they've never shied away from a double entendre, Ben & Jerry's took offense that an adult film company has beat them at their game. Until a court order put a stop to it, interested consumers could buy DVDs from Ben & Cherry's adorned with familiar and friendly cows-and-clouds artwork and parody titles of flavors. Most articles will mention the titles Peanut Butter D-Cups, New York Fat & Chunky, Chocolate Fudge Babes and Boston Cream Thighs. What most articles won't mention are the other titles, which I managed to find (the titles, not the films): Hairy Garcia, Americone Cream, Banana Cl*t, Coconut 7 Lay-Her Bar, Everything But the...Butt and Late Night Sn*tch.

Given that Ben & Jerry's has flavors called Karamel Sutra and Schweddy Balls, my guess is the real plan was to sue the porn company into bankruptcy so Ben & Jerry's could hire their creative head to help name new flavors. And what a fun job that would be. With this mind, my friends and I have porn-ified some of the names of existing flavors:
  • Hubby's Chubby
  • Chunking the Monkey
  • S'mwh*res
  • New York Super Fudge Spunk
  • Heath's Bare Crotch
  • Coconut Seven Layer Wh*re
  • Jimmy Fallon's Late Night Shag
  • Everything but the...Nuts!
  • Boston Cream of Some Young Guy -or- Bustin' Cream Pie
  • Imagine Earl's Piece
  • Crotchy Crotch Crotch
  • Americondom Dream -or- AmeriBone Dream
  • All Ova Macadamia
  • Jamaica Me Horny
  • Red Vulva Cake
  • Banana's Spit
  • Chocolate Chip Cookie H*es
  • Dublin Astroglide
  • Black & Man
  • Country Peach Gobbler
  • From Russia with Balls
  • Mission to Marcy's Pants
  • CinnaMAN Buns -or- Cinnamon Buns on Fire Part 6: Extra Cream Filling
In case you need a list of the flavor names for reference, they are in order: Chubby Hubby, Chunky Monkey, S'mores, New York Super Fudge Chunk, Heath Bar Crunch, Coconut Seven Layer Bar, Jimmy Fallon's Late Night Snack, Everything But The..., Boston Cream Pie, Imagine Whirled Peace, Scotchy Scotch Scotch, Americone Dream, Aloha Macadamia, Jamaica Me Crazy (sorbet), Red Velvet Cake, Banana Split, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Dublin Mudslide, Black & Tan, Country Peach Cobbler, From Russia with Buzz, Mission to Marzipan and Cinnamon Buns.

Good luck not thinking about any of this next time you're spooning a pint.

No comments: