Something Delicious This Way Comes... (Post #100!)

Seattle's Fremont Solstice Parade is my favorite festival event. During this time, the liberal neighborhood allows many unusual displays in their parade--naked bicyclists, puppets with political messages, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence--but does not allow any written word. This means no tacky logos or lip service corporate sponsorship. Any company that wants to take part in the festivities while marketing themselves must be creative. But this is all expository to how one chocolate company introduced to me the new feminine ideal:

Topless women parading down the street covered in chocolate.

I'll say it again: Topless women parading down the street covered in chocolate. Plus there was strategic gold-dusting that's commonly used for the tips, er, tops of truffles.

And, great gobs of goo, one of them was the girl of my dreams. This girl had sold me chocolate once before at the sponsoring chocolate shop and let's just say the Jasmine Truffles weren't the only thing that caught eye. And the sugar wasn't the only thing that had my heart rate up. And the aphrodisiacs in chocolate weren't the only thing getting me excited. (Whew! Is it getting hot or is it just me?) Needless to say, seeing her walk by covered in chocolate left me hungry.

"Dude," I managed to sputter to James. "I think I've sexually peaked."

Really, what could be better? Marisa Tomei and I may have once shared intimate details about what we like for dessert, but it's not like she offered to share her sundae with me or covered herself in whipped cream. (Down boy!)

I explained the situation to James: Not too long ago I had been serviced by one of these chocolate-covered goddesses at her place of work. Having been painfully attracted to her when she was fully clothed, it seemed like a sign to have seen her in this new, toothsome way.

"I should ask that girl out."

"Go for it, man."

"I should ask that girl out tomorrow."

And so it was. The next day I wandered into the chocolate store and--BAM!--there she was looking delicious, even while fully clothed. I wandered in circles around the store pretending to be interested in chocolate. (Well, maybe not pretending...) She offered me free samples. I tried not to drool.

I waited for the other customers to give us some space, you know, so the burning passions that might erupt wouldn't make their chocolate all melty. Polite chit chat between she and I began as I browsed, continued as I made my selection...and ended as I made my purchase.

The move had not been made. What to do now? Go back through the line buying chocolate until I found the courage? No! It was time to act! I wandered back to her section of the store.

"Want some more free samples?" she asked. "Marry me now," I thought. Luckily, more sensible words came out of my mouth as I made my move. But, sadly, she said she was already seeing someone. She politely continued the conversation a bit and I was smooth in my replies, but really I had already mentally checked out. I had a bag of chocolates to eat that I no longer had any obligation to share.