I am a savage.

I have noted on more than one occasion that a particular flavor was enhanced by letting the carton sit out for a little bit. It seems this is actually true of all ice cream. According to Wikipedia, allowing a little post-freezer defrost time results in more of the flavor being unlocked for the 3,000 taste buds of the tongue. Why does this make me a savage? Read on.

For years I have failed to comprehend people’s obsession with Cold Stone. Without getting too heated on the subject, I will say that my complaint has always been that they give you melty ice cream. Who knew this character trait is actually a ringing endorsement? But I am a humble man. I will admit now, despite my otherwise elite taste in frozen desserts, that I have been incorrect about rejecting melty ice cream. I still maintain my preference for other parlors, though, and will not be going to Cold Stone anytime soon. …If I ever want soup, however, I know where to go. (Zing!)

I am a savage in one other way, too:

• Unlike some connoisseurs, I do not eat my ice cream with an overturned spoon. Eating that way has always proved awkward for me—perhaps a bit too intimate. 
• Though it is less desirable amongst most of the elite, I actually enjoy the chill of a metal spoon. 

So, dear, forgiving reader, I hope you do not feel lead astray by your unrefined host. I am just a man. A humble man. An extremely humble man with a superior knowledge of ice cream to you. So back off.