Ice Cream Etiquette

Some people liked to josh with me, making threats to break into my freezer and steal my ice cream. But I do not react or become defensive. My mantra, to reinterpret what many sages have said, is “If a man tries to steal your ice cream, give him your spoon.”

Not only do I open my freezer to all, I have my guests serve themselves so they may give themselves the amount they truly crave. I have too often been offered dessert and been rationed the equivalent of four bites. I am not ungrateful; I just feel it is rude to be an “Indian giver” of joy (or “Native American giver”). My approach also practices waste-prevention: a big portion will never be served to a guest who only wants a little.

Some more items of etiquette:

• Do not scoop from a carton haphazardly. To reduce ice crystal build-up, scoop in the way that exposes the least amount of new surface area.
• You may share my spoon, but do not lick my cone. Don’t ask me why, but I think it’s gross.
• Put that thing back where it belongs. If you host an ice cream-oriented gathering, please serve everyone and return any unfinished cartons to the freezer BEFORE consuming, not after. If you leave the ice cream out too long, the ice cream touching the edges of the carton—which defrosts the fastest—will melt and then have icy refreeze syndrome which causes trauma to future users.